Narcissism with a penis

Are all men narcissistic at some level? I know that’s a blunt tool to throw at you so early on a Thursday morning, but I’d at least like the idea to be entertained. Some less so than others, and of course the odd complete exception from the rule. Many men I know would freely admit that they are. Narcissism goes hand in hand with the arrogance I find many modern men drape around tailored shoulders, and are all to often proud of. It’s a quality that, I’m almost ashamed to admit, I often find rather attractive.

Ashamed, because of course this narcissistic quality in men has a frightening danger of turning into something more than just “an abnormal desire for ones self, where you lack empathy, and unconscious inadequacy of self esteem, due to regression of child development… a delusion that you are more important than everyone else.” It can turn into something much darker, as all too frequently we’ve learned the hard way.

“In a relationship, a male narcissist wants to be the centre of a woman's life and feels that she should be subordinate to him in all ways. He may devalue the partner because she does not live up to his wishes. When frustrated, he withdraws his love and resorts to rage and projection. He provides very little emotional satisfaction for his partner, yet he demands her perfect responsiveness.” Now, you ask yourself why any woman would be so silly as to make herself vulnerable to a man of such deficiency, but let me tell you. It happens to the best of us, and it’s easier than it sounds to fall for a guy who nestles many of these qualities close to his heart. In its infant state, it has meant that dating in the modern age has seemingly become a power battle – who can call who less, who can give less of a shit. The person who wins is the person who will, eventually, get the elbow– a kind of bittersweet reward for being the most important. But before that happens, a woman will all too often lose her confidence, sense of self, happiness and sanity.

This describes it perfectly:
"A narcissist is skilled at the art of verbal abuse and the narcissist is proficient at verbally abusing women. Narcissists like to frustrate women. Their behaviour toward a woman keeps her on the edge of insanity because she doesn't know what is coming next. The narcissist uses what he deems the blunt or brutal truth to eat away at any attributes that a woman might have. The woman is left with no self-esteem when the narcissist is through with her. This is the way he wants her. If her self esteem is not in tact he can gain control over her and retain her as narcissistic supply.”

Of course, I’m not making the sweeping generalisation that all men are of this level – indeed, talking to a physiologist girl friend of mine last night, I found myself trying to convince us both that there were men with a normal level of narcissism pumping in their veins, in order that we might be a) attracted to them but b) not get too bruised a heart along the way. I really hope I’m right.