Either way, what's in a name?

Loath as I am to promote this website, having been in the audience of a seminar where the editor sat as one of the panelists, the f-word throws up an interesting 'Ask a feminist'.

Lets, for a moment, ignore the puke-inducing title of this section, and focus on what they're saying. Surnames. Taking one's partners name on marrying them, and giving your kid the same.

I have some experience here - not as childbearing mother or doe eyed wife-to-be - but as a child who's hippy parents who were thinking about the very same thing, all the way back when chicks were burning their bra's and dudes thought feminists were cool.

Mum kept her name. Dad kept his. Neither, by my recollection, ever wore a ring. Dad lost his diving and Mum claimed to, mysteriously, 'have one somewhere'. I was given Dad's surname, as was my older brother. A surname we now share with a step-mother and step-sisters. For this reason, I now feel little ownership with my surname (indeed, I couldn't have a more common name if I tried) so the opportunity to spice it up a bit would be jumped at like a fat man in a bakery.

The thing is - their decision was a personal, and to them, a natural one. Although it wasn't widely done at the time, and Mum had a bit of a battle reminding certain stubborn people that no, in fact, she wasn't Mrs Wood, nor had she ever been, they claim there wasn't the kind of hair-pulling 'is it more feminist for me to do this or this' that one is required to go through today. It seems, although much more widely accepted, the choice has just given us more of a dilema. But what's in a name (and that argument works on either side of the coin)?

Nor did it ever cause much of a fuss that I had a different name to Mum. In fact, I grew up wondering why other families weren't the same as mine, putting it down to extraordinary coincidence that their my friends' parents' surnames should match. How unique, I thought, they were! When Mum worked as a substitute teacher once in my tiny primary school, it saved me much rib jabbing and bullying taunts, as no-one but teachers and close friends were any the wiser that I'd been brewed a few years previous in a womb not far from them... And I'm pre-e-etty sure Mum didn't love me any the less because I had a different name. We, as mother and daughter, are individuals fussed by a bond reaching far beyond an initial.

My point is - families are unique - in this day and age, more than ever. The choice is hers, for her to embrace, not fret over. With a bit of common sense and individuality, such decisions shouldn't have her ears bleeding. I find it sad that someone need write to a feminist website to ask them what to do on this issue, as it should be about what's right for her, and her family.

I call myself a feminist. A normal feminist. So I'm not going to lose any sleep if I take another name one day. Nor am I going to if the opportunity doesn't present itself.