You used to be branded a recluse if you were a techno-geek.
Now it appears the tables have turned.
Last weekend Google-lovers in the Bergerhausen area of Essen, Western Germany, apparently egged houses whose owners had opted to blur them out on Google's well-loved Street View.
Not satisfied with a good old-fashioned egging, the vandals taped 'Google's cool' notes to their mailboxes.
Yes Google's cool, but is criminal damage on Google's behalf really that cool? Really? Nothing more imaginative going on up there? Nothing better with which to ocupy your time? I'm already shuddering at the possible IQ of the perpetrators.
Google was quick to "distance itself completely" from the craziness saying of those who chose the blur: "we respect their wishes".
It's quite some world when you can't even choose anonymity for fear of being targeted as a kill-joy.
My other-half remains free of even Facebook. I know this is a serious slur on new-age humanity but each to their own, no? In years to come my Grandchildren will probably disown their wayward Gran for her online idiocy, while Granddad takes the limelight of their affections. The rough with the smooth, you see...
Wednesday 24 November 2010
Tuesday 16 November 2010
A Middleton class wedding
And so it is. A few hours ago my news-gland twitched with this little sentence from @BBCBreaking 'Clarence House has said Prince William is to marry Kate Middleton next year.'
You know, I already blogged about this - 4 years ago. Romance on a plate. This time it's ('exclusive') romance on a thimble. And this time it's actually happening.
Charly said he was "thrilled, obviously, thank you. They have been practising long enough". Living in sin - that's what I like to see from a modern-day Royal Couple.
I'm also loving New York Times reports that Kate's "solidly middle class" mum said to have previously "chewed gum and used unaristocratic words like “toilet” and “pardon” in front of the queen." What's wrong with pardon anyway? I was always told that was preferable to 'what?'
Dave of the Cam has bizarrely admitted he slept rough on the mall the night before Charly and Di's nuptials. Imagine that. I shall expect nothing less from him next year.
Wills is said to have asked Mr Middleton's permission for Kate's hand - I hope Kate's paid the same repect and asked Ben Fogal for Wills'.
The Mail are triumphant that Kate has 'worn William down', as every good woman does to her man, of course. The Sun's calling Kate Wills' 'African Queen' presumably because got engaged last month in Kenya - anything to sex-it-up, eh Murdoch?
The Guardian is awash with anti-royalist 'do we get a day off for the wedding - and then another for the divorce?', and you know the digital age has truly arrived when Queeny tweeted it as @BritishMonarchy. I'm sure they could have come up with a better twitter name for her than that...
All that is left is for 9 months of media-glare, fanfare and souvenir production. Good luck to you, middle-class Kate. Your face is already on the tea towels...
You know, I already blogged about this - 4 years ago. Romance on a plate. This time it's ('exclusive') romance on a thimble. And this time it's actually happening.
Charly said he was "thrilled, obviously, thank you. They have been practising long enough". Living in sin - that's what I like to see from a modern-day Royal Couple.
I'm also loving New York Times reports that Kate's "solidly middle class" mum said to have previously "chewed gum and used unaristocratic words like “toilet” and “pardon” in front of the queen." What's wrong with pardon anyway? I was always told that was preferable to 'what?'
Dave of the Cam has bizarrely admitted he slept rough on the mall the night before Charly and Di's nuptials. Imagine that. I shall expect nothing less from him next year.
Wills is said to have asked Mr Middleton's permission for Kate's hand - I hope Kate's paid the same repect and asked Ben Fogal for Wills'.
The Mail are triumphant that Kate has 'worn William down', as every good woman does to her man, of course. The Sun's calling Kate Wills' 'African Queen' presumably because got engaged last month in Kenya - anything to sex-it-up, eh Murdoch?
The Guardian is awash with anti-royalist 'do we get a day off for the wedding - and then another for the divorce?', and you know the digital age has truly arrived when Queeny tweeted it as @BritishMonarchy. I'm sure they could have come up with a better twitter name for her than that...
All that is left is for 9 months of media-glare, fanfare and souvenir production. Good luck to you, middle-class Kate. Your face is already on the tea towels...
Tuesday 19 October 2010
First there was Coco Pops
First there was Coco Pops who bizarrely tried out a whole new (rubbish) name.
Then at the beginning of last year Cornwall Council announced to the world it was changing its branding and unveiled its new logo.
The rejected Cornwall Council logo
Then thousands of people went the old-fashioned way and signed a petition against the 'un-Cornish' branding and the council backed down, throwing thousands of pounds in the bin as they did so. I've got to say, I rather liked it. The logo, not the petition.
And now Gap have done it the technological way - reacting to Facebook criticism they've gone and binned their new generic, bland offering, saying "We've heard loud and clear that you don't like the new logo. We've learned a lot from the feedback. We only want what's best for the brand and our customers".
Gap's rejected logo
So why do organisations go to all the bother of changing if they weren't 100% sure about the logo they unveil in such a glorious fashion? Gap, especially, centres its marketing around its brand - most recognised through its elongated logo. What were they trying to achieve by the new logo, which let's face it, is about as interesting as a vacuume cleaner?
It looks like they were going for digital - new age, and in doing so simply became as generic as every other page on the web. And they could have probably bought few dozen Dyson's with the money they wasted.
Then at the beginning of last year Cornwall Council announced to the world it was changing its branding and unveiled its new logo.
The rejected Cornwall Council logoThen thousands of people went the old-fashioned way and signed a petition against the 'un-Cornish' branding and the council backed down, throwing thousands of pounds in the bin as they did so. I've got to say, I rather liked it. The logo, not the petition.
And now Gap have done it the technological way - reacting to Facebook criticism they've gone and binned their new generic, bland offering, saying "We've heard loud and clear that you don't like the new logo. We've learned a lot from the feedback. We only want what's best for the brand and our customers".
Gap's rejected logoSo why do organisations go to all the bother of changing if they weren't 100% sure about the logo they unveil in such a glorious fashion? Gap, especially, centres its marketing around its brand - most recognised through its elongated logo. What were they trying to achieve by the new logo, which let's face it, is about as interesting as a vacuume cleaner?
It looks like they were going for digital - new age, and in doing so simply became as generic as every other page on the web. And they could have probably bought few dozen Dyson's with the money they wasted.
Friday 15 October 2010
Is all lost under Red Ed?
I got a text while sunning myself in Portugal at end of last month. It was from my boss, and it read, simply "Ed- 1, Dave - 0". It took me just a moment or two until I realised what he was telling me. Red Ed had snatched victory from under his brother's nose.
On my return I found out it was even more serious than that. Ed won on the back of the trade union vote - allowed a bigger proportion of the vote than individual members of the Labour party.
Pic c/o PA
While the country reels from quick, harsh public sector cuts from the Tories (I'm not even going to mention the Libs as they are now Tory in my eyes) I've been reliably informed the speed and severity of the cuts is no accident. It means services will be irreparable even into the next term, so Labour's chance of snatching victory and then quickly mending our battered country is even slimmer.
And who's going to vote for Red Ed? Are enough people die-hard liberals to vote for him? Wasn't Dave our chance of easing back into Labour in an un-frightening, charismatic manner?
I think, terrifyingly, all might be lost.
On my return I found out it was even more serious than that. Ed won on the back of the trade union vote - allowed a bigger proportion of the vote than individual members of the Labour party.
Pic c/o PAWhile the country reels from quick, harsh public sector cuts from the Tories (I'm not even going to mention the Libs as they are now Tory in my eyes) I've been reliably informed the speed and severity of the cuts is no accident. It means services will be irreparable even into the next term, so Labour's chance of snatching victory and then quickly mending our battered country is even slimmer.
And who's going to vote for Red Ed? Are enough people die-hard liberals to vote for him? Wasn't Dave our chance of easing back into Labour in an un-frightening, charismatic manner?
I think, terrifyingly, all might be lost.
Tate for Tate
UPPDATE:
The BBC are reporting that the Tate is now having to stop people from walking on the 'seeds' due to the toxic dust it's sending into the hall... what a shame.
BLOG:
Loving this exhibition at the Tate's Turbine gallery right now.
Pic c/o TheBerry.com
As What's On editor Lee Trewhela points out - I wonder how many seeds people will try to pocket as a souvenir...
The Tubine Hall is such a versatile space. One of my favourite exhibitions there was The Weather Project which shone your eyes off the moment you walked in. People would bump into each other walking around because they were too busy looking at the 'sun'. I miss not being able to pop in on my walk back to the station from work anymore.
We're not bereft of lovely exhibitions here in Cornwall though. Yesterday I was shown around the Contemporary British Silversmiths exhibition at the Royal Cornwall Museum (which despite its facade-hiding scaffolding is in fact open!) by charming founding committee member and Cornishman Charles Hall. Read my review here.
The Tate in St Ives has also welcomed home one of it's old masters Peter Lanyon. Although the works themselves are at some points so dark you feel like crying, the exhibition itself is an important one. Read that review here.
I've simply swapped one for the other, perhaps.
The BBC are reporting that the Tate is now having to stop people from walking on the 'seeds' due to the toxic dust it's sending into the hall... what a shame.
BLOG:
Loving this exhibition at the Tate's Turbine gallery right now.
Pic c/o TheBerry.comAs What's On editor Lee Trewhela points out - I wonder how many seeds people will try to pocket as a souvenir...
The Tubine Hall is such a versatile space. One of my favourite exhibitions there was The Weather Project which shone your eyes off the moment you walked in. People would bump into each other walking around because they were too busy looking at the 'sun'. I miss not being able to pop in on my walk back to the station from work anymore.
We're not bereft of lovely exhibitions here in Cornwall though. Yesterday I was shown around the Contemporary British Silversmiths exhibition at the Royal Cornwall Museum (which despite its facade-hiding scaffolding is in fact open!) by charming founding committee member and Cornishman Charles Hall. Read my review here.
The Tate in St Ives has also welcomed home one of it's old masters Peter Lanyon. Although the works themselves are at some points so dark you feel like crying, the exhibition itself is an important one. Read that review here.
I've simply swapped one for the other, perhaps.
Monday 13 September 2010
And now, the end is here
Ok, ok, I know I'm late writing about the Big Brother final but I was winging my way to London on Friday night and had duly sky plused it for my viewing pleasure last night.
And my, was there a lot of it. 2 hours of pre-show, an hour of Dermot and Davina and then another hour of finale. Nice to see Davina in a red spangly dress for a change, but disappointingly for the finale they put her back into black, sporting a mourning suit for the ‘funeral’ with added brass band who played with inexplicable schizophrenia.
In fact, the band pretty much ruined the mood of the whole last hour. But lo, fave Brian, winner of BB2 was crowned our almighty king of reality TV as Big Brother proudly laid claim to every reality show ever made since it's beginnings in 2000 - from I'm a Celebrity to Strictly.
Did Big Brother open the doors to the Nation's curiosity in watching unknowns become knows (or indeed 'slightly knows' become 'known mostly for's)? Without the likes of Kate Lawler, Jade, Brian, Brian #2, Cameron (remember him?) or Triple J would we be as obsessed with the self-made celebrity as we are now?
What I do know is it's been a decade - the entirety of my 20s - that I've been settling down to the summer night-time tonics of oddballs getting cabin fever in Elstree. Reality has become a business - a licence to print money and keep viewers inexplicably happy for very little work the other end.
And for all the times I slagged it off and dreamed of a better life without it, I'm sure going to miss it.
And my, was there a lot of it. 2 hours of pre-show, an hour of Dermot and Davina and then another hour of finale. Nice to see Davina in a red spangly dress for a change, but disappointingly for the finale they put her back into black, sporting a mourning suit for the ‘funeral’ with added brass band who played with inexplicable schizophrenia.
In fact, the band pretty much ruined the mood of the whole last hour. But lo, fave Brian, winner of BB2 was crowned our almighty king of reality TV as Big Brother proudly laid claim to every reality show ever made since it's beginnings in 2000 - from I'm a Celebrity to Strictly.
Did Big Brother open the doors to the Nation's curiosity in watching unknowns become knows (or indeed 'slightly knows' become 'known mostly for's)? Without the likes of Kate Lawler, Jade, Brian, Brian #2, Cameron (remember him?) or Triple J would we be as obsessed with the self-made celebrity as we are now?
What I do know is it's been a decade - the entirety of my 20s - that I've been settling down to the summer night-time tonics of oddballs getting cabin fever in Elstree. Reality has become a business - a licence to print money and keep viewers inexplicably happy for very little work the other end.
And for all the times I slagged it off and dreamed of a better life without it, I'm sure going to miss it.
Thursday 26 August 2010
Garob
It’s been a hell of a journey, Take That. And since Robbie left, I’ve been with you every step of the way.
Robbie was always too hungry to be the ‘misunderstood’ one. Like he was going through something the rest of them weren’t. The puppy-dog eyes he uses to make him look ‘cute’ which in actual fact make me either want to slap his face, or tear my eyes out just so I don't have to look at him.
So it’s with some surprise that I find myself falling in love with his reunion with Gary – once famously the biggest bust-up of all.
Set as a mock-western the two gents reminisce over a lost friendship over a back-tingler of a guitar riff. Robbie looks actually truly sorry and Gary looks handsome and rugged – a nice turnaround for the old friends. There's no sense of humour failure in this little number.
Perhaps if they can put their differences behind them then I can give Robbie a go. After all, he’s simply ‘misunderstood’, remember?
Robbie was always too hungry to be the ‘misunderstood’ one. Like he was going through something the rest of them weren’t. The puppy-dog eyes he uses to make him look ‘cute’ which in actual fact make me either want to slap his face, or tear my eyes out just so I don't have to look at him.
So it’s with some surprise that I find myself falling in love with his reunion with Gary – once famously the biggest bust-up of all.
Set as a mock-western the two gents reminisce over a lost friendship over a back-tingler of a guitar riff. Robbie looks actually truly sorry and Gary looks handsome and rugged – a nice turnaround for the old friends. There's no sense of humour failure in this little number.
Perhaps if they can put their differences behind them then I can give Robbie a go. After all, he’s simply ‘misunderstood’, remember?
Tuesday 24 August 2010
A staycation with benefits
Well we didn't see that coming.
Just as the ConLibs turned down £millions in convergance funding, leaving Cornwall pretty much on it's knees, David Cameron and his lovely wife Samantha not only took a staycation here, they went and had a baby at Treliske!
Dave of the Cam says it's a lovely hospital (sure, but how much did you pay to park?) and he thanked the staff for "putting them at ease."
There's no special VIP room at Treliske, you see. The Cams went straight to a 'Parents' room' which is pretty much where every other Tom, Dick and Harrietta get put. Sam was in at 8am and the little girl arrived by c-section (too posh...?) at noon.
The illegal smokers outside all cheered (we presume).
Cornish baby Cameron. What will the nationalists think?
Mr C said as the baby was born "on the right side of the Tamar" (now you're talking, Dave) he was "open to suggestions" for a Cornish middle name.
Someone on our Facebook page suggested Ginsters. I like Bronnen. It means 'a rush', because she was certainly in one, not being due until September.
What are your Cornish name suggestions for our Prime Minister's new baby girl arrival?
Just as the ConLibs turned down £millions in convergance funding, leaving Cornwall pretty much on it's knees, David Cameron and his lovely wife Samantha not only took a staycation here, they went and had a baby at Treliske!
Dave of the Cam says it's a lovely hospital (sure, but how much did you pay to park?) and he thanked the staff for "putting them at ease."
There's no special VIP room at Treliske, you see. The Cams went straight to a 'Parents' room' which is pretty much where every other Tom, Dick and Harrietta get put. Sam was in at 8am and the little girl arrived by c-section (too posh...?) at noon.
The illegal smokers outside all cheered (we presume).
Cornish baby Cameron. What will the nationalists think?
Mr C said as the baby was born "on the right side of the Tamar" (now you're talking, Dave) he was "open to suggestions" for a Cornish middle name.
Someone on our Facebook page suggested Ginsters. I like Bronnen. It means 'a rush', because she was certainly in one, not being due until September.
What are your Cornish name suggestions for our Prime Minister's new baby girl arrival?
The Beginning of the End
To steal the words of a legend: This. Is. It.
This season, and indeed all seasons, will end and a grand finale will begin.
Will Davina find a closet with some colour in it? Will Josie walk at the prospect at another fortnight without her mucker, (LOVING this) internet sensation John James?
Are these predictions correct? And will former fresh-faced 'celeb' winner Chantelle be recognisable since her fake fame became real fame (and misfortune)?
I've already had several excited emails from my best mate in Londres - separated by pesky distance we will share the experience the new-age way - via text message. Most of these, I predict, will begin with 'OMG....'
Follow the live blog tonight...
This season, and indeed all seasons, will end and a grand finale will begin.
Will Davina find a closet with some colour in it? Will Josie walk at the prospect at another fortnight without her mucker, (LOVING this) internet sensation John James?
Are these predictions correct? And will former fresh-faced 'celeb' winner Chantelle be recognisable since her fake fame became real fame (and misfortune)?
I've already had several excited emails from my best mate in Londres - separated by pesky distance we will share the experience the new-age way - via text message. Most of these, I predict, will begin with 'OMG....'
Follow the live blog tonight...
Monday 23 August 2010
An X Factor thirst quencher
Apart from spending the whole of Saturday night's show worrying that Cheryl was going to collapse from malaria at any moment I thoroughly being back in the bosom of my Saturday night #guiltypleasure viewing.
Guest host Geri Halliwell was a stroke of genius with her 'I don't know if she knows it but I picked Cheryl" aka "I made you famous, beatch, you owe me everything" and incessant wittering.
She's a pint sized bomb of female feistiness and as much as I'd love to hate her as I do for the same fame-woe-is-me annoyance as Robbie Williams I just can't.
G & S (Gay and Straight, which ended up just, well, straight) had my other half with his head actually in his hands complaining "I actually can't watch" as I cried with delight. Sob-story-turned-success-story x 1000 later I'd just about quenched my X Factor thirst.
But now we have Xtra. Xtra Blue Peter that it. Konnie, let's be honest, was a bit lacklustre and the reviews since have been less than polite. She looked a little bewildered didn't she? I was surprised she didn't faint during a cringe-inducing interview with her highness Cheryl of Cole. Or is it Tweedy now? Hard to keep up.
Anyway - who's got time to watch Xtra Factor these days while Big Brother's still on?
Guest host Geri Halliwell was a stroke of genius with her 'I don't know if she knows it but I picked Cheryl" aka "I made you famous, beatch, you owe me everything" and incessant wittering.
She's a pint sized bomb of female feistiness and as much as I'd love to hate her as I do for the same fame-woe-is-me annoyance as Robbie Williams I just can't.
G & S (Gay and Straight, which ended up just, well, straight) had my other half with his head actually in his hands complaining "I actually can't watch" as I cried with delight. Sob-story-turned-success-story x 1000 later I'd just about quenched my X Factor thirst.
But now we have Xtra. Xtra Blue Peter that it. Konnie, let's be honest, was a bit lacklustre and the reviews since have been less than polite. She looked a little bewildered didn't she? I was surprised she didn't faint during a cringe-inducing interview with her highness Cheryl of Cole. Or is it Tweedy now? Hard to keep up.
Anyway - who's got time to watch Xtra Factor these days while Big Brother's still on?
Thursday 19 August 2010
Advertising as we never wanted it
It's my most hated TV advertising campaign ever.
This coming from a child of the advertising age - someone who would flee waving jazz hands to Boots whenever I saw a girl on tv advertising a product making her hair looked slightly thicker or more enriched than my own.
It's BTs 'trapped in their own lives' celebrity couple. You know. The will-they-won't they couple who have none of the sex appeal of Milk Tray yet none of the charm of the Bisto family.
They nearly broke up once. But damn the British public - we actually COMPLAINED to BT until the couple, despite his moving to Cornwall (happens to the best of us), announced their engagement. Today, dear reader, they announce they are pregnant after we voted in our millions *faint* to make it such. Strike us down, for we have sinned.
The options on the BT.com vote were only a) pregnant or b) not pregnant - a girlfriend of mine lamented at tea break that there wasn't an option c) stomach-popping alien.
Doesn't the fact she needs more than he can provide worry anyone? Doesn't the fact her maturity and responsibilities far outweighed his once happy-go-lucky lifestyle? Or are BT doing something far more worrying - telling us that this is what life is like?
Expect the minimal and you'll never be disappointed. The Katie Price 'kids from divorced parents get more presents and holidays so it must be better' (and a cool step-Dad like Kris Marhsall) mentality. I can tell you - this isn't what second families of Britain look like - I can vouch for that.
In an 'I wish I was them' ad campaign these people would be more beautiful (Sorry Esther), less complicated, more likeable. In a reality ad-campaign there would be screaming 'you're not my father' fits from the step-children, complicated cross-over family events with the children’s Dad, money and housing troubles born from the legalities of the previous separation and a few more anxiety fights between the couple.
So there you have it, BT. Please make them either miserable or beautiful. Not grey.
This coming from a child of the advertising age - someone who would flee waving jazz hands to Boots whenever I saw a girl on tv advertising a product making her hair looked slightly thicker or more enriched than my own.
It's BTs 'trapped in their own lives' celebrity couple. You know. The will-they-won't they couple who have none of the sex appeal of Milk Tray yet none of the charm of the Bisto family.
They nearly broke up once. But damn the British public - we actually COMPLAINED to BT until the couple, despite his moving to Cornwall (happens to the best of us), announced their engagement. Today, dear reader, they announce they are pregnant after we voted in our millions *faint* to make it such. Strike us down, for we have sinned.
The options on the BT.com vote were only a) pregnant or b) not pregnant - a girlfriend of mine lamented at tea break that there wasn't an option c) stomach-popping alien.
Doesn't the fact she needs more than he can provide worry anyone? Doesn't the fact her maturity and responsibilities far outweighed his once happy-go-lucky lifestyle? Or are BT doing something far more worrying - telling us that this is what life is like?
Expect the minimal and you'll never be disappointed. The Katie Price 'kids from divorced parents get more presents and holidays so it must be better' (and a cool step-Dad like Kris Marhsall) mentality. I can tell you - this isn't what second families of Britain look like - I can vouch for that.
In an 'I wish I was them' ad campaign these people would be more beautiful (Sorry Esther), less complicated, more likeable. In a reality ad-campaign there would be screaming 'you're not my father' fits from the step-children, complicated cross-over family events with the children’s Dad, money and housing troubles born from the legalities of the previous separation and a few more anxiety fights between the couple.
So there you have it, BT. Please make them either miserable or beautiful. Not grey.
Tuesday 17 August 2010
Must be the format
So I caught Must be the Music on Sky last night.
I say caught, I was really stuck in the depression-filled pit of no-mans-land between Eastenders and Big Brother (God love summer time) and it was simply the only thing on.
To clarify, it was the only thing on which didn’t involve deep mathematical explanations or Oxford professors being interviewed in dusty pompous-filled offices on Discovery.
Picture the scene. Dozens of hopefuls audition in front of 3 judges who give a majority vote as to whether said performer(s) go through to the live finals. Throw into the mix a slightly whiney compare interviewing folk backstage. Hi Fern.Now where have I seen this before?
Judge Dizzee was as to be expected – keepin’ it reeeeel – loving the rappers, the hip-hoppers (should be a word) and the young male teens. Sharleen (from Texas – remember them?) was pretty brutal at times ‘if you’ve been doing this for 15 years you should be doing it better’, but I liked her. She had a touch of the ‘I can’t believe my luck’ about her.
And Jamie. Well, he was just visible over the judges table and voted for all the classical instruments and awkward looking ones *shock*.
Fern, still struggling with dual-toned hair which looks like it could do with a good deep condition, cried, laughed, flirted and generally wished she was Dermot.
Let’s face it, it was X Factor. X Factors poorer less humorous, less glamorous little brother (getting my reality TV all mixed up now…).
Let’s hope it really is all about the music, eh?
I say caught, I was really stuck in the depression-filled pit of no-mans-land between Eastenders and Big Brother (God love summer time) and it was simply the only thing on.
To clarify, it was the only thing on which didn’t involve deep mathematical explanations or Oxford professors being interviewed in dusty pompous-filled offices on Discovery.
Picture the scene. Dozens of hopefuls audition in front of 3 judges who give a majority vote as to whether said performer(s) go through to the live finals. Throw into the mix a slightly whiney compare interviewing folk backstage. Hi Fern.Now where have I seen this before?
Judge Dizzee was as to be expected – keepin’ it reeeeel – loving the rappers, the hip-hoppers (should be a word) and the young male teens. Sharleen (from Texas – remember them?) was pretty brutal at times ‘if you’ve been doing this for 15 years you should be doing it better’, but I liked her. She had a touch of the ‘I can’t believe my luck’ about her.
And Jamie. Well, he was just visible over the judges table and voted for all the classical instruments and awkward looking ones *shock*.
Fern, still struggling with dual-toned hair which looks like it could do with a good deep condition, cried, laughed, flirted and generally wished she was Dermot.
Let’s face it, it was X Factor. X Factors poorer less humorous, less glamorous little brother (getting my reality TV all mixed up now…).
Let’s hope it really is all about the music, eh?
Tuesday 3 August 2010
The charm of Cornwall
What makes a road uplifting? Stippled light through weeping willows, catching romantic glimpses of lochs and streamlets while doves feed you through the sun roof? Ok, maybe not the last bit.
But what makes a road ‘depressing’ is a finer art to pin down. Miles of bare road, bland scenery and the odd annoying speed camera at the bottom of a hill when you’re bound to be accidentally topping 70 mph if only to be ecological on the incline…
When Motorcycle News Magazine asked 3,000 motorcyclists to name the most depressing road in the UK, the A30 at Bodmin was a chart-topper at no 9, nestling only two notches up from the M5 northbound.
Come on (motorcycle) people – the M5 is SERIOUSLY more depressing than our Cornish tarmac!
What’s not to like? By taking the A30 passed Bodmin you no longer have to drive THROUGH Bodmin. Anyone who’s been there will know what I’m saying...
It also means you are 10 minutes from home (me), about an hour from the Battery Rocks at Penzance, or in the other direction about 300 miles from anywhere else. Marvellous.
The nice thing about Cornwall is we don’t have a single motorway, and it’s nice to keep it that way.
Our roads are peppered with services that annoyingly aren’t open 24 hours, eateries you’ve never heard of, pubs which are infamously haunted and petrol stations which are inexplicably as expensive as those on the M25. Suck it up, Mr/Mrs Motorcyclist – that’s just part of the charm of Cornwall…
But what makes a road ‘depressing’ is a finer art to pin down. Miles of bare road, bland scenery and the odd annoying speed camera at the bottom of a hill when you’re bound to be accidentally topping 70 mph if only to be ecological on the incline…
When Motorcycle News Magazine asked 3,000 motorcyclists to name the most depressing road in the UK, the A30 at Bodmin was a chart-topper at no 9, nestling only two notches up from the M5 northbound.
Come on (motorcycle) people – the M5 is SERIOUSLY more depressing than our Cornish tarmac!
What’s not to like? By taking the A30 passed Bodmin you no longer have to drive THROUGH Bodmin. Anyone who’s been there will know what I’m saying...
It also means you are 10 minutes from home (me), about an hour from the Battery Rocks at Penzance, or in the other direction about 300 miles from anywhere else. Marvellous.
The nice thing about Cornwall is we don’t have a single motorway, and it’s nice to keep it that way.
Our roads are peppered with services that annoyingly aren’t open 24 hours, eateries you’ve never heard of, pubs which are infamously haunted and petrol stations which are inexplicably as expensive as those on the M25. Suck it up, Mr/Mrs Motorcyclist – that’s just part of the charm of Cornwall…
Thursday 29 July 2010
The day I met Dave
We're not talking Dave of the Cam, although to give him his dues he has arrived on Cornish soil a couple of times. I wouldn't know what to say to him though, would I?
Would you Adam and Eve it, my #secretcrush David Miliband arrived in Truro last week, looking relaxed in a local pub as he met Labour member, befuddled diners and local digital editors who were very pleased they managed to put some mascara on that morning.
Firstly let's take a moment or two to look back on the last Labour government and how much Cornwall featured on their radar. Now what was his name again? Oh yes, Blair. No, he never came down. Gordon did though. Once.
Picture by Jonathan Jacobs. That's my Concentrating Face by the way...
Anyway, apparently keen to win Cornish Labourites who've been stung after a tactical vote to the yellow in order not to let the blues in (and look where that got me, I mean us), he was (rightly) shocked at the Lib-Con government’s plans to reject European Convergence funding, the majority of which would have benefited Cornwall.
Dave also told me he didn't think coalition governments would be the Way Of The Future, should there be a majority vote at election. He's hoping for a quick and decisive swing back to Labour in the next election. Aren't we all.
UPDATE: I stand duly corrected by @penzancemike and @cernyw - Mr Blair it seems DID come to Cornwall - the proof is in the hair do - I mean pictures...
Would you Adam and Eve it, my #secretcrush David Miliband arrived in Truro last week, looking relaxed in a local pub as he met Labour member, befuddled diners and local digital editors who were very pleased they managed to put some mascara on that morning.
Firstly let's take a moment or two to look back on the last Labour government and how much Cornwall featured on their radar. Now what was his name again? Oh yes, Blair. No, he never came down. Gordon did though. Once.
Picture by Jonathan Jacobs. That's my Concentrating Face by the way...Anyway, apparently keen to win Cornish Labourites who've been stung after a tactical vote to the yellow in order not to let the blues in (and look where that got me, I mean us), he was (rightly) shocked at the Lib-Con government’s plans to reject European Convergence funding, the majority of which would have benefited Cornwall.
Dave also told me he didn't think coalition governments would be the Way Of The Future, should there be a majority vote at election. He's hoping for a quick and decisive swing back to Labour in the next election. Aren't we all.
UPDATE: I stand duly corrected by @penzancemike and @cernyw - Mr Blair it seems DID come to Cornwall - the proof is in the hair do - I mean pictures...
Jumping for joy
Jumping 100ft from a cliff to the water seems foolhardy when you write it down. It really does. I acknowledge this and appreciate it.
But come on people, some of the most dangerous things in life are the most exhilarating. Jumping out of a plane, abseiling up a sheer rock face, catching a 20 foot wave with reef glistening just a couple of inches under the water below you - taking part in any of these pursuits can kill you. But it’s undeniable they also make you feel more alive.
The vast majority of people taking part in extreme sports do so where they know it’s ‘safe’. By safe I mean where it’s been done more than once before (successfully!) and with other people around them who are experienced.
The tombstoner most recently in the press (click on the link to vote in the poll) for jumping off a cliff in the West Cornwall did so whilst being photographed and videoed – now as much as I would love to believe this dude balanced his camera on a grassy knoll with a rock wobbling on the shutter and then set up his video cam to record his plummet, I would hazard to guess that he wasn’t in fact alone.
These guys more-than-likely scouted the location previously, checked the tides, and by doing so, the depth of the water he was jumping into. No-one wants footage of a guy jumping in to, at best a couple of legs in plaster, at worst his death.
Those who injure themselves doing extreme sports are 90% of the time rookies – people who don’t understand or take hindrance to the risks.
I recently had a long conversation with the Editor of the Cornishman about the morals of printing the picture, condemned by emergency services, on the front page of the paper. She was concerned it could be construed as encouraging copycats to either the sport or the location. My stance is picture or not, those who want to jump will jump. 100 foot is a long way down - only those who understood what they are doing would attempt it.
And as so far as encouraging children whose understanding is less, and sense of immortality increased, the answer certainly isn’t to ban. Banning simply increases curiosity and forces them to unknown, unsupervised areas. The answer, my friends, is education – always education.
So join a coasteering class and learn all about it. As for the guy in the picture – good luck to him.
But come on people, some of the most dangerous things in life are the most exhilarating. Jumping out of a plane, abseiling up a sheer rock face, catching a 20 foot wave with reef glistening just a couple of inches under the water below you - taking part in any of these pursuits can kill you. But it’s undeniable they also make you feel more alive.
The vast majority of people taking part in extreme sports do so where they know it’s ‘safe’. By safe I mean where it’s been done more than once before (successfully!) and with other people around them who are experienced.
The tombstoner most recently in the press (click on the link to vote in the poll) for jumping off a cliff in the West Cornwall did so whilst being photographed and videoed – now as much as I would love to believe this dude balanced his camera on a grassy knoll with a rock wobbling on the shutter and then set up his video cam to record his plummet, I would hazard to guess that he wasn’t in fact alone.
These guys more-than-likely scouted the location previously, checked the tides, and by doing so, the depth of the water he was jumping into. No-one wants footage of a guy jumping in to, at best a couple of legs in plaster, at worst his death.Those who injure themselves doing extreme sports are 90% of the time rookies – people who don’t understand or take hindrance to the risks.
I recently had a long conversation with the Editor of the Cornishman about the morals of printing the picture, condemned by emergency services, on the front page of the paper. She was concerned it could be construed as encouraging copycats to either the sport or the location. My stance is picture or not, those who want to jump will jump. 100 foot is a long way down - only those who understood what they are doing would attempt it.
And as so far as encouraging children whose understanding is less, and sense of immortality increased, the answer certainly isn’t to ban. Banning simply increases curiosity and forces them to unknown, unsupervised areas. The answer, my friends, is education – always education.
So join a coasteering class and learn all about it. As for the guy in the picture – good luck to him.
Tuesday 27 July 2010
More Clarkson nonsense
There's a reason I don't watch Top Gear.
It's not because I'm not a petrol head (although that would be true enough).
It's not that little-man-complex Hammond makes my skin crawl more every inch his hair drops towards his shirt collar (or that piece of leather hanging tragically around his neck).
It's Clarkson.
For starters he thinks he is the don of all gentleman kind. Which is peculiar, because this is far, far, far from the truth. Apparently his sole purpose in life is to leer at women he hasn't a hope in hell of attracting.
And no, I'm not ugly, and no, I'm not a lesbian.
Quite apart from enraging the eco-friendly by advocating fuel guzzling, environmental nightmare 4x4s and more recently losing any waning respect he might have from our Muslim friends by claiming he saw a wind-stricken burka-clad lady with a red g-string on underneath, he could be described as being a boil on the butt of male humanity.
"The most dangerous time to drive a car is round about now. Sunny skies, light breezes, girls wearing short skirts, because the thing is, you can't not look. You can't physically not look."
It's enough to make me never want to wear a skirt again. Stop it, Clarkson. You're being disgusting.
It's not because I'm not a petrol head (although that would be true enough).
It's not that little-man-complex Hammond makes my skin crawl more every inch his hair drops towards his shirt collar (or that piece of leather hanging tragically around his neck).
It's Clarkson.
For starters he thinks he is the don of all gentleman kind. Which is peculiar, because this is far, far, far from the truth. Apparently his sole purpose in life is to leer at women he hasn't a hope in hell of attracting.
And no, I'm not ugly, and no, I'm not a lesbian.
Quite apart from enraging the eco-friendly by advocating fuel guzzling, environmental nightmare 4x4s and more recently losing any waning respect he might have from our Muslim friends by claiming he saw a wind-stricken burka-clad lady with a red g-string on underneath, he could be described as being a boil on the butt of male humanity.
"The most dangerous time to drive a car is round about now. Sunny skies, light breezes, girls wearing short skirts, because the thing is, you can't not look. You can't physically not look."
It's enough to make me never want to wear a skirt again. Stop it, Clarkson. You're being disgusting.
Monday 12 July 2010
Whatever happened to the tuck shop?
When I was at school we weren’t rich enough to enjoy school dinners so off we went with our packed lunch. My older brother and I were treated to a sandwich, two pieces of fruit, a homemade yoghurt in a glass pot (which as I remembered used to roll off the table and smash about 50% of the time – health and safety nightmare) and a bottle of water – sometimes Ribeana (made so weak it simply coloured the water).
I think back to those days now and marvel at how lucky I was. Homemade yoghurt? Two of my five a day already ticked off by lunch?
Our one guilty pleasure was the tuck shop – open at morning break with it’s shiny wrappers delighting us under-10s. If we’d saved our pocket money or found the odd 20pence down the back of the sofa, we might have shared a Mars Bar. And what a treat it was. So much sugar in your mouth your taste buds felt like they were going to explode.
My parents weren’t especially strict – in fact I have one of the most un-quenchable sweet teeth of anyone I know – sweets and fizzy drinks just weren’t as readily available back then as they are now.
This food-scare picture of a little boy with the average amount of junk food a child his age will eat each year in the UK is pretty terrifying. Check out all those chips and fish fingers! And how about those party ring biscuits! I’m not au fait with what the ‘Dinosaurs’ are but even in my ignorance I’m pretty sure they’re not actually dinosaurs. I can see the E numbers form here.
Picture c/o the Daily Mail
My Grandmother was an orthodontist so I guess my brother and I are probably the only two over 30’s in the UK who don’t have a single filling. Still, had I eaten all this every year I’m pretty sure I would have a mouth full of them. Let alone considering the affects of the sugar highs and withdrawal lows that come with it all – something I only remember having at Easter after nailing all my chocolate eggs and finding and working my way through my long suffering brothers.
There’s got to be an answer. My parents both worked and still found time to make a family dinner each night – even if the dog did used to end up with all my vegetables. How will we ever beat child obesity if this is still what we’re feeding them?
I think back to those days now and marvel at how lucky I was. Homemade yoghurt? Two of my five a day already ticked off by lunch?
Our one guilty pleasure was the tuck shop – open at morning break with it’s shiny wrappers delighting us under-10s. If we’d saved our pocket money or found the odd 20pence down the back of the sofa, we might have shared a Mars Bar. And what a treat it was. So much sugar in your mouth your taste buds felt like they were going to explode.
My parents weren’t especially strict – in fact I have one of the most un-quenchable sweet teeth of anyone I know – sweets and fizzy drinks just weren’t as readily available back then as they are now.
This food-scare picture of a little boy with the average amount of junk food a child his age will eat each year in the UK is pretty terrifying. Check out all those chips and fish fingers! And how about those party ring biscuits! I’m not au fait with what the ‘Dinosaurs’ are but even in my ignorance I’m pretty sure they’re not actually dinosaurs. I can see the E numbers form here.
Picture c/o the Daily MailMy Grandmother was an orthodontist so I guess my brother and I are probably the only two over 30’s in the UK who don’t have a single filling. Still, had I eaten all this every year I’m pretty sure I would have a mouth full of them. Let alone considering the affects of the sugar highs and withdrawal lows that come with it all – something I only remember having at Easter after nailing all my chocolate eggs and finding and working my way through my long suffering brothers.
There’s got to be an answer. My parents both worked and still found time to make a family dinner each night – even if the dog did used to end up with all my vegetables. How will we ever beat child obesity if this is still what we’re feeding them?
Thursday 8 July 2010
Are we too reliant on Twitter?
There have been people who’ve Twitter travelled - going only where tweets tell you to go.
There have been others who partake in the Twitter diet – posting their every calorific intake in order to shame them into eating less.
But what about the Twitter diagnosis? Gone are the days when you’d struggle the overweight family medical dictionary down from the top shelf (that once correctly diagnosed me with meningitis). Or even the new and immediate NHS direct helpline.
When businessman Patrick Johnson awoke with a partially paralysed face, he tweeted ‘I feel like I've had a stroke. Half of my face doesn't work properly.’
And thank god not just media junkies and bored businessmen use the networking tool, as the response he got back was from Scottish woman Marj who replied ‘If you're truly serious, get to the doc. Bell's palsy facial symptoms mimic a stroke’.
Well thank god for Marj indeed as a few hours later and at the hospital Patrick was diagnosed with and treated for ‘Bells palsy, a condition which, if not treated immediately, can have lasting damage.
I can’t say I’m faultless. Making the hard decision to leave friends family and a good job and move to Cornwall 2 years ago was partially left up to my twitter followers. As was whether to allow myself one or two glasses of mid-week wine a couple of nights back.
But if I woke up with a face that didn’t work I’d like to think the first thing I’d do would be get to the doctors.
Has modern technology removed the responsibility we used to take for ourselves, placing our health, diet and movements into the hands of others?
There have been others who partake in the Twitter diet – posting their every calorific intake in order to shame them into eating less.
But what about the Twitter diagnosis? Gone are the days when you’d struggle the overweight family medical dictionary down from the top shelf (that once correctly diagnosed me with meningitis). Or even the new and immediate NHS direct helpline.
When businessman Patrick Johnson awoke with a partially paralysed face, he tweeted ‘I feel like I've had a stroke. Half of my face doesn't work properly.’
And thank god not just media junkies and bored businessmen use the networking tool, as the response he got back was from Scottish woman Marj who replied ‘If you're truly serious, get to the doc. Bell's palsy facial symptoms mimic a stroke’.
Well thank god for Marj indeed as a few hours later and at the hospital Patrick was diagnosed with and treated for ‘Bells palsy, a condition which, if not treated immediately, can have lasting damage.
I can’t say I’m faultless. Making the hard decision to leave friends family and a good job and move to Cornwall 2 years ago was partially left up to my twitter followers. As was whether to allow myself one or two glasses of mid-week wine a couple of nights back.
But if I woke up with a face that didn’t work I’d like to think the first thing I’d do would be get to the doctors.
Has modern technology removed the responsibility we used to take for ourselves, placing our health, diet and movements into the hands of others?
Thursday 10 June 2010
The beginning of the end
So here we go – in front of a live audience Big Brother chucked 13 of over 80 hopefuls into the best looking house yet, to jeers of ‘it’s a fix!’ from the audience. I’m not sure how they knew that but they were hushed by security purdy darn pronto.
The boo’ers were out in force, as has come to be accepted at launch (and eviction) nights. People always seem to predictably hate the posh boys, the slutty girls and anyone with a massive ego.
Super-posh Ben got so booed he practically legged it through the doors just to get away from the audience.
Jordan wannabe Corin wore a dress so low I swear I’d seen both of her nipples in the first three minutes of her entering the house. There was a monk (in robes) a Beyonce lookilikey, a supposedly intelligent girl who had changed her name to Sunshine and the hottest Aussie us POMs have ever laid our eyes on. Eyes only though, as on opening his mouth his hotness melts into oblivion, sadly (but fairly – surely no-one is or should be blessed with both).
Poor old unlucky for some number 13 Mario got sent in with an ‘impossible’ mission to not be outed as a mole despite being sent in dressed as a mole and having to sleep in a mole hole. Isn’t this the same task every year?
Davina was glorious as ever, in a role that was made for her perhaps a little too perfectly as I can’t imagine her flourishing doing anything else.
And so it begins. The beginning of the end. Places please (and tweet me updates as am off on holiday from Friday…)
The boo’ers were out in force, as has come to be accepted at launch (and eviction) nights. People always seem to predictably hate the posh boys, the slutty girls and anyone with a massive ego.
Super-posh Ben got so booed he practically legged it through the doors just to get away from the audience.
Jordan wannabe Corin wore a dress so low I swear I’d seen both of her nipples in the first three minutes of her entering the house. There was a monk (in robes) a Beyonce lookilikey, a supposedly intelligent girl who had changed her name to Sunshine and the hottest Aussie us POMs have ever laid our eyes on. Eyes only though, as on opening his mouth his hotness melts into oblivion, sadly (but fairly – surely no-one is or should be blessed with both).
Poor old unlucky for some number 13 Mario got sent in with an ‘impossible’ mission to not be outed as a mole despite being sent in dressed as a mole and having to sleep in a mole hole. Isn’t this the same task every year?
Davina was glorious as ever, in a role that was made for her perhaps a little too perfectly as I can’t imagine her flourishing doing anything else.
And so it begins. The beginning of the end. Places please (and tweet me updates as am off on holiday from Friday…)
Wednesday 9 June 2010
And so we say goodbye
It's always hard when a friend leaves.
Memories are gone through and wrapped up, looked through by rose-tinted glasses. Sad laughs and spontaneous chuckles as you remember the good times. Sorry shakes of the head as you remember the bad.
I've not always loved you, but you've always been there... Big Brother.
As the days towards my 30th birthday drip painfully nearer it is with some surprise that I realise Big Brother has been on for the entire of my 20s. The BB Generation.
Children of the 70s hippies, everything had been done before us - Elvis, acid, the pill. What was left for us but reality TV?
And look who it gave us! Skinny Nikki. 'Who is she???!!', dear, skinny Nikki. God love her. Superfan Brian with the super blue eyes (are they in fact contact lenses?), tourettes Pete, controversial Jade, Alex the door singer, Kinger the minger... the list goes on and on. ..
No, these aren't movers and shakers. They haven't secured world peace or goodwill to all men. But they put themselves on live television and let us laugh at them - that takes a good amount of guts or masses of stupidity.
I hope they don't go too crazy with the format tonight, our last opening night ever. Dermot should definitely come back for a cameo. The housemates should neither be too out there nor too ordinary. Rationing should be, well... rationed. Come on C4 - it's the last one - lavish them in champers and food, for next year, we will be destitute.
I'm only watching it this year because it's the last one. Now that's good marketing ... Enjoy. x
Memories are gone through and wrapped up, looked through by rose-tinted glasses. Sad laughs and spontaneous chuckles as you remember the good times. Sorry shakes of the head as you remember the bad.
I've not always loved you, but you've always been there... Big Brother.
As the days towards my 30th birthday drip painfully nearer it is with some surprise that I realise Big Brother has been on for the entire of my 20s. The BB Generation.
Children of the 70s hippies, everything had been done before us - Elvis, acid, the pill. What was left for us but reality TV?
And look who it gave us! Skinny Nikki. 'Who is she???!!', dear, skinny Nikki. God love her. Superfan Brian with the super blue eyes (are they in fact contact lenses?), tourettes Pete, controversial Jade, Alex the door singer, Kinger the minger... the list goes on and on. ..
No, these aren't movers and shakers. They haven't secured world peace or goodwill to all men. But they put themselves on live television and let us laugh at them - that takes a good amount of guts or masses of stupidity.
I hope they don't go too crazy with the format tonight, our last opening night ever. Dermot should definitely come back for a cameo. The housemates should neither be too out there nor too ordinary. Rationing should be, well... rationed. Come on C4 - it's the last one - lavish them in champers and food, for next year, we will be destitute.
I'm only watching it this year because it's the last one. Now that's good marketing ... Enjoy. x
Tuesday 8 June 2010
A standing ovation for the world's worst excuse
I feel compelled to write about this.
84% of pregnant women have been forced to stand on their commute to/from work because other commuters don't give up their seats. This according to Mothercare owned gurgle, which also highlight that most other commuters blame not knowing whether the woman is pregnant or simply carrying a little extra weight.
I've never been pregnant. But I know what a pregnant tummy looks like. And it doesn't look like fat.
It seems to be the group mentality. Once 5, 10, 20 seconds has passed without someone offering up a seat, everyone sits soundly in the knowledge that everyone else also had their chance to be chivalrous.
Frequently on my latterly commutes from East Sussex into London I would leave my window seat to offer pregnant women my seat, having to displace the odd young man on the aisle seat as I did it. No excuse.
One time a young woman fainted right into my arms as we stood by the train door pulling off from London Bridge station. I helped her up, collected the girl's belongings for her and had to actually ask a fellow commuter to give her their seat. Which they did, grudgingly.
What is it about the commute which does this to people? We've got a few bumps in the office this summer - spring certainly had an affect down here in Cornwall - and I'd be mortified to think of them standing on their way into work.
84% of pregnant women have been forced to stand on their commute to/from work because other commuters don't give up their seats. This according to Mothercare owned gurgle, which also highlight that most other commuters blame not knowing whether the woman is pregnant or simply carrying a little extra weight.
I've never been pregnant. But I know what a pregnant tummy looks like. And it doesn't look like fat.
It seems to be the group mentality. Once 5, 10, 20 seconds has passed without someone offering up a seat, everyone sits soundly in the knowledge that everyone else also had their chance to be chivalrous.
Frequently on my latterly commutes from East Sussex into London I would leave my window seat to offer pregnant women my seat, having to displace the odd young man on the aisle seat as I did it. No excuse.
One time a young woman fainted right into my arms as we stood by the train door pulling off from London Bridge station. I helped her up, collected the girl's belongings for her and had to actually ask a fellow commuter to give her their seat. Which they did, grudgingly.
What is it about the commute which does this to people? We've got a few bumps in the office this summer - spring certainly had an affect down here in Cornwall - and I'd be mortified to think of them standing on their way into work.
Wednesday 12 May 2010
We've come a long way, baby
Sir Dave of the Cam and Squire Nick of the Clegg just held a press conference in the rose gardens of Downing Street, amongst the tweeting birds of London town, bathed in the ebbing sunshine. All that was missing was the gents in question holding hands.
Cam spoke about their three joint aims - fairness, freedom and responsibility, and the way to do it is proper leadership.
He explained there will be five Lib Dem secretaries of state in the cabinet, as well as Deputy Dog Nick. He assured us that the Lib Dems will be represented at every level of government.
He says "We are not just announcing a new government with new ministers - we are announcing a new politics."
Deputy Dog far outshines his master when he speaks though. He spoke of their promise to the nation "This is a government that will last... not because it will be easy - there will be bumps and scrapes along the way... this is a government that will last because we are united by a common purpose."
They answer several questions from the press (apparently Sky haven't sacked Boulton yet) including where Clegg will live (not in no 11 as the reporter queried - not sure what Osborne would have had to say about that, anyway) and whether this coalition would be able to last 5 years in reality. Clegg says it has to. That they both had a choice to form coalition or not, and they chose to.
And last but not least Dave of the Cam was asked if he regretted his response to the question 'what's your favourite joke?' and answering 'Nick Clegg' some months ago. While Clegg assured the press Dave said no such thing, Dave admits he did and Deputy Dog jokily walked off in a huff with Dave shouting 'come back!' Much laughter. Bit of a red faced Dave of the Cam too. Humble pie for supper...
It's a brave new world indeed, where left and right talk sensibly and in a grown up fashion for the greater good. We've come a long way, baby. But have we come far enough for this to work?
The full text of the coalition agreement is here.
Cam spoke about their three joint aims - fairness, freedom and responsibility, and the way to do it is proper leadership.
He explained there will be five Lib Dem secretaries of state in the cabinet, as well as Deputy Dog Nick. He assured us that the Lib Dems will be represented at every level of government.
He says "We are not just announcing a new government with new ministers - we are announcing a new politics."
Deputy Dog far outshines his master when he speaks though. He spoke of their promise to the nation "This is a government that will last... not because it will be easy - there will be bumps and scrapes along the way... this is a government that will last because we are united by a common purpose."
They answer several questions from the press (apparently Sky haven't sacked Boulton yet) including where Clegg will live (not in no 11 as the reporter queried - not sure what Osborne would have had to say about that, anyway) and whether this coalition would be able to last 5 years in reality. Clegg says it has to. That they both had a choice to form coalition or not, and they chose to.
And last but not least Dave of the Cam was asked if he regretted his response to the question 'what's your favourite joke?' and answering 'Nick Clegg' some months ago. While Clegg assured the press Dave said no such thing, Dave admits he did and Deputy Dog jokily walked off in a huff with Dave shouting 'come back!' Much laughter. Bit of a red faced Dave of the Cam too. Humble pie for supper...
It's a brave new world indeed, where left and right talk sensibly and in a grown up fashion for the greater good. We've come a long way, baby. But have we come far enough for this to work?
The full text of the coalition agreement is here.
Sky watch
Looks like everyone was either a) reading my blog yesterday, or b) thought the exact same as me, as OfCom receives 1,500 complaints about Boulton and Burley's conduct on Sky News - the tiresome twosome of hysterics and uncontrollable temper.
Now stand on that step and think about what you've done.
Now stand on that step and think about what you've done.
Sir Dave of the Cam and Squire Nick of the Clegg: BFFs
So here we are, the day after the night before.
Amongst the confusion of last night (Dav seemed to take top spot before many Lib Dems even knew what the deal was), we at least cleared a couple of things up - Gord handed in his resignation (how adorable are his kids? He should have got them to run his party campaign!), then stepped down from party Leader (nice to see a woman in a top spot for a change, Harriett), then Dave hot on his tale moved straight in with a blooming wife.
Then the con-lib deal was firmed up.
It looks like this:
Dave is PM
Nick is his new BFF as Deputy PM (will enjoy watching how this 'works')
Lib Dems take 6 seats (a quarter) of cabinet seats, and 15 ministerial jobs in Whitehall.
Osborne (god help us) is Chancellor, with Cable his No 2 specifically in charge of the banks. So the Chancellor then?
William Hague is Foreign Secretary.
Here's how the papers look this morning:
The Sun thinks it's a Dave new world - I see what you did there, Mr Murdoch...:
The Mail gets all romantic on us:
The Telegraph - shouts to us with a HUGE headline (biggest ever?) while tempting us with a watch we're likely never to be able to afford when Dave takes a look at the taxes:
The Times is just about as romantic as the Mail but I like the pic, even if I don't like who's in the pic - perhaps Dave will use it as the Cameron's Christmas card this year?:
And the Guardian, who famously backed the Lib Dems and might end up with more than a little Clegg, I mean egg on their face:
Much more honest than all of these however, is the Mirror. Good luck indeed. To all of us...
Amongst the confusion of last night (Dav seemed to take top spot before many Lib Dems even knew what the deal was), we at least cleared a couple of things up - Gord handed in his resignation (how adorable are his kids? He should have got them to run his party campaign!), then stepped down from party Leader (nice to see a woman in a top spot for a change, Harriett), then Dave hot on his tale moved straight in with a blooming wife.
Then the con-lib deal was firmed up.
It looks like this:
Dave is PM
Nick is his new BFF as Deputy PM (will enjoy watching how this 'works')
Lib Dems take 6 seats (a quarter) of cabinet seats, and 15 ministerial jobs in Whitehall.
Osborne (god help us) is Chancellor, with Cable his No 2 specifically in charge of the banks. So the Chancellor then?
William Hague is Foreign Secretary.
Here's how the papers look this morning:
The Sun thinks it's a Dave new world - I see what you did there, Mr Murdoch...:
The Mail gets all romantic on us:
The Telegraph - shouts to us with a HUGE headline (biggest ever?) while tempting us with a watch we're likely never to be able to afford when Dave takes a look at the taxes:
The Times is just about as romantic as the Mail but I like the pic, even if I don't like who's in the pic - perhaps Dave will use it as the Cameron's Christmas card this year?:
And the Guardian, who famously backed the Lib Dems and might end up with more than a little Clegg, I mean egg on their face:
Much more honest than all of these however, is the Mirror. Good luck indeed. To all of us...
Tuesday 11 May 2010
The Verdict
8:45pm update:
Here's Dave of the Cam. He's accepted the Queen's offer to form a new gvmt.
He pays tribute to the outgoing PM - that's nice of him.
He starts with our problems. Come along Cam - cheer up.
He hopes to form a 'proper and full coalition' between the Blues and Yellows.
"Nick Clegg and I are both political leaders... we want to work hard for the good of the country and for the national interest... I love this country.. its best days are still ahead.. I believe in public service."
(Lots of noise coming from D St - lots of protesters/loud people at the end of the road?)
They want to rebuild trust. Build a more responsible Britain. 'Those that can should, and those that can't are always helped... It will be a gvmt that is built on clear values... freedom... responsibility... This is going to be hard and difficult work."
Hard work for whom, Dave - you or us?
8:35pm update:
Dave of the Cam saluted leaving the Palace for Downing Street, after Queeny asks him to form government. Ladies and Gentlemen, Dave of the Cam, hugger of the hoody is our new PM.
Oddly the Lib Dems appear to have no clue as to what's been agreed for the coalition. Lots of talk on the Beeb about whether Dave of the Cam kissed or shook the Queen's hand.
Right Honourable David Cameron? Honourable?
Beeb cleared up the 'kissing of the hands' dilema - apparently no actual kissing takes place. I can't believe we're actually talking about this.
8:20pm update:
Brown talks back at HQ. He looks relaxed and confident. "We achieved more together than any of us could have ever done on our own." He thanks everyone - and confirms Harriet Harmon takes over as Leader of Labour as of now until a new Leader is elected.
"I am Labour and Labour I will always be."
"We have denied our opposition the majority which they have taken for granted."
"We fought for the future... We fight for progress... We know that progressive change is possible."
"Forever we can be proud"
"This Labour party is the greatest force for fairness this country has ever seen."
Then he assures the Labour party he will still be with them tomorrow, he gives Sarah some lip work and does a little hop and a skip through cheering Labourites..
Hurrah - uplifting - if only they actually had power...
8:10am update:
Sir Dave of the Cam and his wife Samantha arrive at the Queens pad.
They go inside for tea and cake. Probably.
More twitterings:
@EmilyBell "Cameron's stuck in traffic, next to the no. 91 bus to Crouch End - know what that feels like"
@BellaMack "God I hope they follow [Cameron's] Jag and it ends up pulling over next to stringfellows instead."
Apparently the Lib Dems were due to meet to finalise at 8.30pm - Brown was premature in resigning. In fairness they've had 5 days.
7:50pm update:
Gordon leaves Buckingham Palace having tendered his resignation - no police escort which is weird.
Cameron will be the youngest PM since early 1800s.
Brown is welcomed back to Labour HQ to cheers and clapping.
The Twittered election: @ArmyofDave "Already a Scottish family is homeless and unemployed. That's a Tory government for you."
Nick Clegg has been MyDavidCameron'ed.
7:20pm update:
Gord is here. He is off to tender his resignation to the Queen - she will invite the 'leader of the opposition to form a government'.
He talks about the privilage it's been to serve as PM - not for the fame or ceremony but for the potential to make the country better and fairer.
He will 'always admire the courage he sees in the armed forces... they represent all that is good in this country'.
'I have learned a lot about the best of human nature and also about its frailties, including my own.'
He thanks his colleagues and staff - he gives an emotional thank you to Sarah and his sons. Sarah stands at his side, hands clasped.
He says he is leaving the second most important job he ever had - the first he still cherishes - as a husband and father.
He says 'thank you and goodbye'.
Was an emotional speech - well received on Twitter. Everyone a bit jittery as to what Dave of the Cam and the 'dark Lords' are going to do to the country. Breath in, everyone.
Sky News still saying that Clegg will step up as Deputy Prime Minister.
7.15pm update:
Looks like Gord's going to make a statement outside Downing Street any minute now before heading off to the Palace to step down formally as Prime Minister.
BBC reminds us that he was the longest standing Chancellor and has had a difficult PM'ship.
We don't know the ins and outs yet of the Lib-Tory deal, or indeed the strains the parties have been under in order to compromise.
Here's Dave of the Cam. He's accepted the Queen's offer to form a new gvmt.
He pays tribute to the outgoing PM - that's nice of him.
He starts with our problems. Come along Cam - cheer up.
He hopes to form a 'proper and full coalition' between the Blues and Yellows.
"Nick Clegg and I are both political leaders... we want to work hard for the good of the country and for the national interest... I love this country.. its best days are still ahead.. I believe in public service."
(Lots of noise coming from D St - lots of protesters/loud people at the end of the road?)
They want to rebuild trust. Build a more responsible Britain. 'Those that can should, and those that can't are always helped... It will be a gvmt that is built on clear values... freedom... responsibility... This is going to be hard and difficult work."
Hard work for whom, Dave - you or us?
8:35pm update:
Dave of the Cam saluted leaving the Palace for Downing Street, after Queeny asks him to form government. Ladies and Gentlemen, Dave of the Cam, hugger of the hoody is our new PM.
Oddly the Lib Dems appear to have no clue as to what's been agreed for the coalition. Lots of talk on the Beeb about whether Dave of the Cam kissed or shook the Queen's hand.
Right Honourable David Cameron? Honourable?
Beeb cleared up the 'kissing of the hands' dilema - apparently no actual kissing takes place. I can't believe we're actually talking about this.
8:20pm update:
Brown talks back at HQ. He looks relaxed and confident. "We achieved more together than any of us could have ever done on our own." He thanks everyone - and confirms Harriet Harmon takes over as Leader of Labour as of now until a new Leader is elected.
"I am Labour and Labour I will always be."
"We have denied our opposition the majority which they have taken for granted."
"We fought for the future... We fight for progress... We know that progressive change is possible."
"Forever we can be proud"
"This Labour party is the greatest force for fairness this country has ever seen."
Then he assures the Labour party he will still be with them tomorrow, he gives Sarah some lip work and does a little hop and a skip through cheering Labourites..
Hurrah - uplifting - if only they actually had power...
8:10am update:
Sir Dave of the Cam and his wife Samantha arrive at the Queens pad.
They go inside for tea and cake. Probably.
More twitterings:
@EmilyBell "Cameron's stuck in traffic, next to the no. 91 bus to Crouch End - know what that feels like"
@BellaMack "God I hope they follow [Cameron's] Jag and it ends up pulling over next to stringfellows instead."
Apparently the Lib Dems were due to meet to finalise at 8.30pm - Brown was premature in resigning. In fairness they've had 5 days.
7:50pm update:
Gordon leaves Buckingham Palace having tendered his resignation - no police escort which is weird.
Cameron will be the youngest PM since early 1800s.
Brown is welcomed back to Labour HQ to cheers and clapping.
The Twittered election: @ArmyofDave "Already a Scottish family is homeless and unemployed. That's a Tory government for you."
Nick Clegg has been MyDavidCameron'ed.
7:20pm update:
Gord is here. He is off to tender his resignation to the Queen - she will invite the 'leader of the opposition to form a government'.
He talks about the privilage it's been to serve as PM - not for the fame or ceremony but for the potential to make the country better and fairer.
He will 'always admire the courage he sees in the armed forces... they represent all that is good in this country'.
'I have learned a lot about the best of human nature and also about its frailties, including my own.'
He thanks his colleagues and staff - he gives an emotional thank you to Sarah and his sons. Sarah stands at his side, hands clasped.
He says he is leaving the second most important job he ever had - the first he still cherishes - as a husband and father.
He says 'thank you and goodbye'.
Was an emotional speech - well received on Twitter. Everyone a bit jittery as to what Dave of the Cam and the 'dark Lords' are going to do to the country. Breath in, everyone.
Sky News still saying that Clegg will step up as Deputy Prime Minister.
7.15pm update:
Looks like Gord's going to make a statement outside Downing Street any minute now before heading off to the Palace to step down formally as Prime Minister.
BBC reminds us that he was the longest standing Chancellor and has had a difficult PM'ship.
We don't know the ins and outs yet of the Lib-Tory deal, or indeed the strains the parties have been under in order to compromise.
The Day After All The Statements
4:30pm update:
And the rumours begin - this from @GPW_Portland
Plus this is pretty sick if it's true:
4pm:
BREAKING NEWS
BBC hears 'talks are over' between Labour and the Lib Dems and that 'luggage seen at the rear of No 10'.
(5pm: this from the Graun:
NOTE: Ch5 reporter says 'door not quite closed on Labour yet' - but how much do we trust Ch5?
2pm update:
Whereas once the Libs' were the most popular team on campus, it now seems both the Tories and the Labourites are struggling to strike a deal with them.
In true Tory style the far-righters want a Conservative minority gvmt free from Lib Dem involvement (all very well but is that what the British public voted for?). Labour, with renewed confidence since Gord quit, look divided on whether they could actually reach a deal with Clegg.
Seems our Nick is somewhere between and rock and a hard place...
12pm update:
This from Conservative MP John Redwood (a bit hysterically...)
c/o quirkybet.com
11:40am:
Alarming update - with it looking more and more likely that the Libs' are eyeing up Labour, bloggers and news agencies are now calling it the Lib-Lab alliance. It's not the alliance as such I have a problem with - in fact I'd far prefer it. But the name! Lib-Lab. Even the Urban Dictionary has been taken unawares.
11:30am update:
The tooing and froing so far. First up was Clegg:
Here's a FB group of over 56,000 followers saying 'We don't want the Lib Dems to make a deal with the Conservatives'. It would be interesting to see the party splits of the followers - I'm sure there's more than one or two Tories in there.
10:20pm update:
OK - scrap the Election Blog - this is now called Sky Watch.
This from Super-Bitch Kay Burley
I've got to say I was pretty astounded when this intellectually-challenged reporter goaded poor old Peter Andre into answering questions about how he'd feel if beat-up-faced Alex wanted to adopt his kids (?!?!). But this takes the biscuit.
We're allowed the right to peaceful protest in this country, Ms Burley - it's called freedom of speech.
Sky - please take a long, hard look at yourself.
THIS MORNING:
As with last Friday, the cold light of morning brings nothing much clearer. Labour has wooed the Libs' with Gordon's resignation. The Conservatives have wooed the Libs' with the promise (perhaps) of a referendum on electoral reform.
The Graun's front page this morning describes yesterday as 'events moving at breakneck speed'. I've got to say, Mr Wintour, I respectfully disagree. Although yesterday certainly heated up, we still have no decision.
There's a palpable sense of tension on the news channels and reporters and MPs appear to have resorted to yelling at each other to keep us entertained (this is very cringey - only watch if you like to see grown men point and shout at each other live on television...):
This also goes someway to highlighting brilliantly Sky's biased - their own reporter can't keep a handle on his temper as he shouts 'I'm fed up with you telling me what I think!' and when asked to calm down (and I LOVE this bit) 'he started it!'
And breath...
This from guardin.co.uk, is the situ so far ...
And the rumours begin - this from @GPW_Portland
Lib Dems have six cabinet posts, Clegg becomes deputy PM, sources say.Dave of the Cam just left Tory HQ. BBC quips 'he's probably just going to McDonalds!'
Plus this is pretty sick if it's true:
4pm:BREAKING NEWS
BBC hears 'talks are over' between Labour and the Lib Dems and that 'luggage seen at the rear of No 10'.
(5pm: this from the Graun:
Isn't 24-hour news mad? Earlier I mentioned Laura Kuenssberg's observation that hold-alls were being loaded into a car at the back of Downing Street (4pm). She suggested that it might be a sign the Browns were leaving. A few minutes late the BBC reported that they did not belong to the Browns. Then someone suggested they might belong to the Darlings. Now Jon Sopel has said that they weren't the Darlings' either. It turns out they contained police kit.)It can only mean one thing. Sir Dave of the Cam's about to be crowned king - watch this space...
NOTE: Ch5 reporter says 'door not quite closed on Labour yet' - but how much do we trust Ch5?
2pm update:
Whereas once the Libs' were the most popular team on campus, it now seems both the Tories and the Labourites are struggling to strike a deal with them.
In true Tory style the far-righters want a Conservative minority gvmt free from Lib Dem involvement (all very well but is that what the British public voted for?). Labour, with renewed confidence since Gord quit, look divided on whether they could actually reach a deal with Clegg.
Seems our Nick is somewhere between and rock and a hard place...
12pm update:
This from Conservative MP John Redwood (a bit hysterically...)
[The current situation is] "a disaster for British democracy... It's all that some of us feared about hung parliaments. There's complete chaos and confusion. I think the Liberal Democrats feel they can dictate everything to either of the two main parties. Of course, they're not able to do that, and they've got to decide which compromises they're going to make."Meanwhile, Nick's still weighing up his options...
c/o quirkybet.com11:40am:
Alarming update - with it looking more and more likely that the Libs' are eyeing up Labour, bloggers and news agencies are now calling it the Lib-Lab alliance. It's not the alliance as such I have a problem with - in fact I'd far prefer it. But the name! Lib-Lab. Even the Urban Dictionary has been taken unawares.
11:30am update:
The tooing and froing so far. First up was Clegg:
My parliamentary party was up into the small hours yet again discussing things. We will act, as ever, responsibly. We will act to try to do our bit to create a stable, good government that the British people deserve. And I really hope that we will be able to make an announcement so we clear up everything and explain to people exactly what our thinking is as quickly as we possibly can.Then it was Sir Dave of the Cam and he says it's now 'decision time' for the Libs' (note the impatient tone...)
Remember Dave of the Cam last Friday went on and on about speed. Well, speed's not what we've got - at this rate we'll be lucky to have a parliament in time for Queeny's speech. Come on Nick, get a coin and call heads or tails. Both you lose.I've made a very full, very open, very reasonable offer to the Liberal Democrats to deliver that stable government. My own members of parliament have shown that they are prepared to put aside party interest in the national interest by agreeing a referendum on the alternative vote.
It's now, I believe, decision time - decision time for the Liberal Democrats - and I hope they make the right decision to give this country the strong, stable government that it badly needs and it badly needs quickly.
Here's a FB group of over 56,000 followers saying 'We don't want the Lib Dems to make a deal with the Conservatives'. It would be interesting to see the party splits of the followers - I'm sure there's more than one or two Tories in there.
10:20pm update:
OK - scrap the Election Blog - this is now called Sky Watch.
This from Super-Bitch Kay Burley
I've got to say I was pretty astounded when this intellectually-challenged reporter goaded poor old Peter Andre into answering questions about how he'd feel if beat-up-faced Alex wanted to adopt his kids (?!?!). But this takes the biscuit.
We're allowed the right to peaceful protest in this country, Ms Burley - it's called freedom of speech.
Sky - please take a long, hard look at yourself.
THIS MORNING:
As with last Friday, the cold light of morning brings nothing much clearer. Labour has wooed the Libs' with Gordon's resignation. The Conservatives have wooed the Libs' with the promise (perhaps) of a referendum on electoral reform.
The Graun's front page this morning describes yesterday as 'events moving at breakneck speed'. I've got to say, Mr Wintour, I respectfully disagree. Although yesterday certainly heated up, we still have no decision.
There's a palpable sense of tension on the news channels and reporters and MPs appear to have resorted to yelling at each other to keep us entertained (this is very cringey - only watch if you like to see grown men point and shout at each other live on television...):
This also goes someway to highlighting brilliantly Sky's biased - their own reporter can't keep a handle on his temper as he shouts 'I'm fed up with you telling me what I think!' and when asked to calm down (and I LOVE this bit) 'he started it!'
And breath...
This from guardin.co.uk, is the situ so far ...
Tory offer to Lib DemsWe wait with baited breath and secretly cross our fingers that the next PM will be, in fact, Mr David Hotpants Miliband.
• Referendum on alternative vote for elections to Commons
• Cabinet seats and other ministerial jobs for Lib Dems
• Agreement on schools, environment and possibly taxation
Labour offer to Lib Dems
Labour offer to Lib Dems:
• Guaranteed alternative vote for elections to Commons
• Possible future referendum on "full PR" of single transferable vote
• Full coalition with cabinet seats
•Broad agreement on deficit reduction
• New leadership for Labour once binding deal with Lib Dems agreed"
Monday 10 May 2010
Coalition - what it looks like
7.30pm update:
Hague now speaks to the press. Are the Conservatives concerned GB's call to resign is swaying the Lib Dems towards Red? And more importantly are they saying these things to each other - why is this being played out in the press? Here's what Will of the Hague's got to say for himself (we'll not bother to ask where on earth Sir Dave of the Cam is - perhaps he is already too important to talk to 'the people'):
Clegg on Sky news
Brown speaks outside No 10. Says he has no desire to stay longer than is needed. That he will fasilitate coalition talks with the Lib Dems but will then step down as head of the Labour Party.
He says:
This from the Guardian - made me laugh out loud
4:20pm update:
This from David Laws, on behalf of the Lib Dems:
I found this graphic of the house of commons on guardian.co.uk most interesting.
Here's what we'll look like under a Cleggeron coalition:
And here's what it'll look like if Clegg and Brown decide they're going to go to bed together:
Meanwhile it's been 3 days since we voted and even though Clegg's begging us to 'bear with them', no clear decision's been made. He said they're:
The press are betting we'll have a new PM by the end of the day though and I'm prepared to bet my supper that it'll be Sit Dave of the Cam (all hail).
It's hard to tell which is bigger news, though - the fact we don't yet have a parliament, or the fact the EU's about to go bankrupt. Testing times.
Hague now speaks to the press. Are the Conservatives concerned GB's call to resign is swaying the Lib Dems towards Red? And more importantly are they saying these things to each other - why is this being played out in the press? Here's what Will of the Hague's got to say for himself (we'll not bother to ask where on earth Sir Dave of the Cam is - perhaps he is already too important to talk to 'the people'):
The Liberal Democrats have said to the Conservative party that they are only prepared to enter into a coalition agreement with a party that will change our electoral system to the alternative vote method of voting.
Now, David Cameron and the shadow cabinet and the Conservative MPs have decided that, although our concentration in all of these negotiations has been on the financial situation, on reducing the deficit, on the improvement of education, on the other great issues facing our country, that in the interests of trying to create a stable, secure government, we will go the extra mile. We will offer to the Liberal Democrats in a coalition government the holding of a referendum on the alternative vote system, so that the people of this country can decide what the best electoral system is for the future.
6:300pm update:Or they can choose to continue their talks with us, to make a coalition with the Conservative party, which is on offer, in a government that would have a stable and secure parliamentary majority; a majority of 76 in the House of Commons, something highly desirable in our current economic situation; that would have an elected prime minister in David Cameron, the leader who obtained by far the most votes and seats in the general election held last week; and which would say that any reform of our voting system must be subject to a referendum of the people of this country.
We are absolutely convinced that we should not have another unelected prime minister and we should not change our voting system without a referendum. And whatever happens now, and whatever decision the Liberal Democrats make, that is ground on which we will stand.
Clegg on Sky news
Gordon Brown has made an important announcement today. It must have been a very difficult thing for him to say personally but I think he has taken it in the national interest and I think his announcement could be be an important element in the smooth transition towards a stable government that people deserve, without of course prejudice and without predicting what the outcome of the talks will be between ourselves and the Labour party.and the Lib Dem ststement:
5:00pm UPDATE:Over the past four days we have been working flat-out to deliver an agreement that can provide stable government that can last. The talks with the Conservatives have been very constructive and I am grateful to David Cameron and his team for the effort they have put in. But so far we have been unable to agree a comprehensive partnership agreement for a full parliament.
We need a government that lasts, which is why we believe, in the light of the state of talks with the Conservative party, the only responsible thing to do is to open discussions with the Labour party to secure a stable partnership agreement. We will of course continue our discussions with the Conservative party to see if we can find a way to a full agreement.
Gordon Brown has taken a difficult personal decision in the national interest. And I think without prejudice to the talks that will now happen between Labour and the Liberal Democrats, Gordon Brown's decision is an important element which could help ensure a smooth transition to the stable government that everyone deserves.
Brown speaks outside No 10. Says he has no desire to stay longer than is needed. That he will fasilitate coalition talks with the Lib Dems but will then step down as head of the Labour Party.
He says:
If it becomes clear that the national interest, which is stable and principled government, can be best served by forming a coalition between the Labour party and the Liberal Democrats, then I believe I should discharge that duty to form that government which would in my view command a majority in the House of Commons in the Queen's speech and any other confidence votes.4:40pm update:
But I have no desire to stay in my position longer than is needed to ensure the path to economic growth is ensured and the process of political reform we have agreed moves forward quickly. The reason that we have a hung parliament is that no single party and no single leader was able to win the full support of the country. As leader of my party, I must accept that that is a judgment on me. I therefore intend to ask the Labour party to set in train the processes needed for its own leadership election. I would hope that it would be completed in time for the new leader to be in post by the time of the Labour party conference. I will play no part in that contest and I will back no individual candidate.
This from the Guardian - made me laugh out loud
My colleague Hélène Mulholland spoke to Simon Hughes at the end of the Lib Dem meeting. Hughes played down the prospect of a deal today: "I am sure there will be a government by the end of this week."By the end of the WEEK?
4:20pm update:
This from David Laws, on behalf of the Lib Dems:
THIS MORNING:The parliamentary party has agreed that the central priority must be to form a strong and stable government in the national interest. The parliamentary party agreed that the proposals that have been discussed with the Conservative party and that were aired today reflect very good progress on a number of points. But they have also asked for clarification of details in relation to education funding, in relation to fair taxes, and in relation to issues in regard to voting reform and progress on that issue.
The parliamentary party has agreed that the leader will continue to listen to the representations that are coming from the leader of the Labour party, that clarification will be sought from the Conservative party on the particular points that I've just mentioned and they have also agreed that it is vital that progress should be made on all of these matters as soon as possible in the national interest.
The parliamentary party has also agreed that deficit reduction and a plan to bring down the deficit as soon as possible must be at the heart of any agreement.
I found this graphic of the house of commons on guardian.co.uk most interesting.
Here's what we'll look like under a Cleggeron coalition:
And here's what it'll look like if Clegg and Brown decide they're going to go to bed together:
Meanwhile it's been 3 days since we voted and even though Clegg's begging us to 'bear with them', no clear decision's been made. He said they're:"working flat out around the clock to try and act on the decision of the British people last Thursday in the election result"Is it me or is Clegg also telling us this state of uncertainty is all our, the voter's, fault?
The press are betting we'll have a new PM by the end of the day though and I'm prepared to bet my supper that it'll be Sit Dave of the Cam (all hail).
It's hard to tell which is bigger news, though - the fact we don't yet have a parliament, or the fact the EU's about to go bankrupt. Testing times.
Friday 7 May 2010
Evening dribbles
Wow - 4 hours sleep and I literally feel like a new woman.
And I wake to results that looks pretty much identical to the exit polls of 10pm yesterday.
Tory 306, Labour 258 and Lib Dems 57.
Cleggs mulling over Cam's proposal.
I'm about to listen again online to BBC Radio 4's News Quiz after rumours that yours truly (well, thisisscornwall.co.uk) got a mention earlier.
It's all a bit of a haze.
How's everyone else feeling this evening?
And I wake to results that looks pretty much identical to the exit polls of 10pm yesterday.
Tory 306, Labour 258 and Lib Dems 57.
Cleggs mulling over Cam's proposal.
I'm about to listen again online to BBC Radio 4's News Quiz after rumours that yours truly (well, thisisscornwall.co.uk) got a mention earlier.
It's all a bit of a haze.
How's everyone else feeling this evening?
The Aftermath - before I splutter out 10am - 4pm Friday
3:25pm:
Ok, Cornwall is 3 pieces each now.
And on that note (32 hours awake), my duvet is calling me. Oh yes. And perhaps a shower. Yes. That would be nice.
Thanks to all nearly-thousand of you for reading. xjo
3:00pm:
Ok here we go. They're gathered. Hold onto your panty-hos, Cornwall...
St Ives determined to give me a last-minute heart-attack. Still waiting...
Oh my GOD. I'm starting to actually hate an entire constituency. STILL waiting...
Thank GOD for that - Andrew George, Lib Dem, hangs onto St Ives. Crumbs, that was painful.
2:55pm:
And after Dave asked Nick to dance, we turn back to St Ives where they're still trying to decide who won...
2:35pm:
Dave of the Cam is here. Hushed press. Dave says they've received the biggest increase in seats for 80 years. Cam is patting himself on the back.
He thanks everyone - we should be proud (really?)
"We have to accept we fell short of an overall majority". Oh God - the angel of doom, wars, economic meltdown - let me guess the answer is you, Dave?
Our country's problems are "too big" for "political bickering" and they need to sort things out asap.
Cam thanks Clegg for allowing him to seek gvnt creation.
Cam wants to make a "big, open and comprehensive offer to the Lib Dems" to work together, and negotiate areas they don't agree in (like the trident - Dave really wants that bad-boy).
He recognises Lib Dem strength in education proposals.
Both Lib Dem and Tory would seek to 'cut the jobs tax' and get rid of Labour's ID scheme.
Both want to reform the electoral system - that all votes have equal value.
"A strong basis for a strong gvnt". Will "involve compromise". Dealing with the deficit is 'essential'.
"The world is looking to Britain for decisive action".
"We could be doing so much better". Cam reckons they "put the national interests first".
Dave is bigging Clegg right up. They're new BFFs.
It's like Blind Date. Dave's like Cilla. Nick, The Choice Is Yours.
2:30pm
Looks like Sir Dave of the Cam is going to wake up before St Ives.
Press standing by for his arrival.
Everyone MUST stop saying this is unprecedented. It happened in the 70's. That's not unprecedented.
Dave of the Cam appears to be back in the pub (see very much earlier blog). Is he some kind of big-drinker?
2:20pm:
Our relationship with St Ives constituency right now:
2:10pm:
Typical - St Ives and The Isles of Scilly now one of only eleven constituencies who haven't confirmed their count yet.
1:45pm:
Here he is. Mr Prime Minister himself. Lives to fight another couple of hours.
"We find ourselves in a position unknown".
He has a duty to "resolve the situation, not as a member of the Labour party... but as Prime Minister".
Hung Parliament now 'very real'. Need to establish a parliamentary majority which reflects what the public wants.
Now we're talking about economics and Greece etc. Eh?
Ok back to formation of gvnt: GB says he respects Clegg's decision to 1st talk to Dave of the Cam. They should "take as much time as they feel necessary". GB doesn't rule out 'seeing' any party.
Economical stability and electorial reform are decisions they can all make together.
People "do not like uncertainity" but he basically says 'that's what you bloody voted for - deal with it'. More eloquently than that, mind.
This, in a nutshell, from Brown then:
1:40pm:
Brown about to speak - you can watch live here. Damn the Beeb and their aversion to embed codes...
1:35pm:
Still waiting for Gord to appear.
UPDATE: Labour 253, Tories 298, Lib Dems 54. Poor Nick.
Will GB resign today? (defo not now). Bookies say yes but Sky point out the bookies 'aren't that good at politics'. Brilliant.
1:20pm:
St Ives and the Scilly Isles hanging by a shoe string (is that a saying? Exhaustion kicking in...)
They won't call now until 2pm but may well have to recount if it's as close as suspected. Blooming eck. We could be here 'till next Monday at this rate.
Clegg's had a power-nap. The wuss.
1:05pm:
Norwhich North
BNP 747
Tory 17,280 - elected - I remember this girl, Chloe Smith, when she got in first at the last general election. I feel old.
Lib Dems 7,783
UKIP: 1,878
Ok St Ives/Scilly Isles. Your turn. Come ON.
GB expected to make statement in the next half hour (but not to resign - the stubborn git).
BBC reporting that Nick Robinson says David Cameron will make a conference call to his shadow cabinet at 1345 this afternoon.
1pm:
Tories have held Saffron Walden and Hampshire North East and taken Warwick and Leamington from Labour.
Labour 252, Conservatives 294, Lib Dems 52. A Blue minority government? I think all the Leaders are at home brushing up on the Rule Book trying to work out who can muscle out who.
12:40pm:
Sky news - students are talking about their outrage at not being allowed to vote after 10pm. Chess club guy just revealed he would have voted Lib Dem if he'd been able to.
This is me (if only I had a branch that comfortable):
In other news my mum (the psychologist) says a truly hung parliament would be marv - the cream of the brains of each party making joint decisions like in Germany.
We're in Britain though - I just don't think we're that bright.
12:30pm:
Conservatives take Warwick and Leamington from Labour. Massive 84% turnout. 93rd gain of the election for the blues.
This from the Beeb:
12:25pm:
Ah yes, the news we've all been waiting for. The BBc got the scoop in the end...
12:15pm:
Dave of the Cam's telling people he's been awake 48 hours. I challenge this. I challenge him to a 'keep-awake' contest. I'm just waffling on a blog - he's making actual decisions/trying to convince decision-man Nick.
Who wins?
12:05pm:
Just want to remind everyone of the exit poll published 6th May 10pm.
It looked like this:
Conservatives 307
Labour 255
Lib Dems 59
And we're currently at Conservative 292, Labour 251 and Lib Dems 52.
So really I could have gone to bed at about 10.02pm last night then? As it is I'm on 28 hours and counting...
11.55am:
Professional Toff Boris Johnson thinks the Tory increase is "bleddy tewwific" - no, sorry, a "marvelous achievement". Still 29 constituencies to call. Including St Ives and the Isles of Scilly which we're following here.
Rumour has it that our deciding-man Nick hasn't given Dave of the Cam a call yet.
Playing hard to get - I like it.
This is how I feel right now:
11:50am:
Farage still 'comfortable' in hospital. Galloway for Respect loses his seat. Dave of the Cam will talk to press at 2.30pm. I'm starting to think it's unlikely I will ever sleep again.
11:40am:
Well, either Nick's in a great position this morning, or in a very very awful and difficult position.
Former Liberal leader Lord Steel says he's in a "hellish position".
Downing St says they won't talk to Clegg until all the votes are in. So the end of May then? No, that can't be right because Queeny opens parliament on 25th May. This is all very confusing.
11:20am:
Ok - share of vote so far:
Labour 29% Conservative 36%, Lib Dem 23% - which is clearly not reflected in seats Labour 251, Conservative 291, Lib Deb 52.
Turnout so far has been 65%
11:15am
Beeb says:
11:10am:
From the Graun
Paddy Ashdown speaking - Clegg is honouring the wishes of the British public by talking to Dave of the Cam first. Ashdown says Clegg promised he would give whomever had a majority the right the seek government. He is "a man of honour".
Ashdown insists Clegg will ask "can Mr Cameron govern in the national interest?"
Paddy Ashdown wouldn't be pressed - didn't seem comfortable 'answering questions on behalf of 'them''.
10:45am:
Clegg will "be guided by his principals" and "argue for greater fairness in British society.. as well as political reforms to fix the broken political system".
He is talking about both the fact many were left unable to vote in problems with the polling stations, and that overall share of vote is not reflected by a proportionate number of seats in Westminster, and finally we know will be looking for reform in the House of Lords - which we know will make Dave of the Cam uncomfortable.
He returns with fewer seats than he started with, but basically chooses who will become PM. He's talking to the Conservatives first because they have the majority. It's up to them to prove themselves to him.
10:00am:
We've got a hung parliament - it's official.
Ok, Cornwall is 3 pieces each now.
And on that note (32 hours awake), my duvet is calling me. Oh yes. And perhaps a shower. Yes. That would be nice.
Thanks to all nearly-thousand of you for reading. xjo
3:00pm:
Ok here we go. They're gathered. Hold onto your panty-hos, Cornwall...
St Ives determined to give me a last-minute heart-attack. Still waiting...
Oh my GOD. I'm starting to actually hate an entire constituency. STILL waiting...
Thank GOD for that - Andrew George, Lib Dem, hangs onto St Ives. Crumbs, that was painful.
2:55pm:
And after Dave asked Nick to dance, we turn back to St Ives where they're still trying to decide who won...
2:35pm:
Dave of the Cam is here. Hushed press. Dave says they've received the biggest increase in seats for 80 years. Cam is patting himself on the back.
He thanks everyone - we should be proud (really?)
"We have to accept we fell short of an overall majority". Oh God - the angel of doom, wars, economic meltdown - let me guess the answer is you, Dave?
Our country's problems are "too big" for "political bickering" and they need to sort things out asap.
Cam thanks Clegg for allowing him to seek gvnt creation.
Cam wants to make a "big, open and comprehensive offer to the Lib Dems" to work together, and negotiate areas they don't agree in (like the trident - Dave really wants that bad-boy).
He recognises Lib Dem strength in education proposals.
Both Lib Dem and Tory would seek to 'cut the jobs tax' and get rid of Labour's ID scheme.
Both want to reform the electoral system - that all votes have equal value.
"A strong basis for a strong gvnt". Will "involve compromise". Dealing with the deficit is 'essential'.
"The world is looking to Britain for decisive action".
"We could be doing so much better". Cam reckons they "put the national interests first".
Dave is bigging Clegg right up. They're new BFFs.
It's like Blind Date. Dave's like Cilla. Nick, The Choice Is Yours.
2:30pm
Looks like Sir Dave of the Cam is going to wake up before St Ives.
Press standing by for his arrival.
Everyone MUST stop saying this is unprecedented. It happened in the 70's. That's not unprecedented.
Dave of the Cam appears to be back in the pub (see very much earlier blog). Is he some kind of big-drinker?
2:20pm:
Our relationship with St Ives constituency right now:
2:10pm:
Typical - St Ives and The Isles of Scilly now one of only eleven constituencies who haven't confirmed their count yet.
1:45pm:
Here he is. Mr Prime Minister himself. Lives to fight another couple of hours.
"We find ourselves in a position unknown".
He has a duty to "resolve the situation, not as a member of the Labour party... but as Prime Minister".
Hung Parliament now 'very real'. Need to establish a parliamentary majority which reflects what the public wants.
Now we're talking about economics and Greece etc. Eh?
Ok back to formation of gvnt: GB says he respects Clegg's decision to 1st talk to Dave of the Cam. They should "take as much time as they feel necessary". GB doesn't rule out 'seeing' any party.
Economical stability and electorial reform are decisions they can all make together.
People "do not like uncertainity" but he basically says 'that's what you bloody voted for - deal with it'. More eloquently than that, mind.
This, in a nutshell, from Brown then:
1:40pm:
Brown about to speak - you can watch live here. Damn the Beeb and their aversion to embed codes...
1:35pm:
Still waiting for Gord to appear.
UPDATE: Labour 253, Tories 298, Lib Dems 54. Poor Nick.
Will GB resign today? (defo not now). Bookies say yes but Sky point out the bookies 'aren't that good at politics'. Brilliant.
1:20pm:
St Ives and the Scilly Isles hanging by a shoe string (is that a saying? Exhaustion kicking in...)
They won't call now until 2pm but may well have to recount if it's as close as suspected. Blooming eck. We could be here 'till next Monday at this rate.
Clegg's had a power-nap. The wuss.
1:05pm:
Norwhich North
BNP 747
Tory 17,280 - elected - I remember this girl, Chloe Smith, when she got in first at the last general election. I feel old.
Lib Dems 7,783
UKIP: 1,878
Ok St Ives/Scilly Isles. Your turn. Come ON.
GB expected to make statement in the next half hour (but not to resign - the stubborn git).
BBC reporting that Nick Robinson says David Cameron will make a conference call to his shadow cabinet at 1345 this afternoon.
1pm:
Tories have held Saffron Walden and Hampshire North East and taken Warwick and Leamington from Labour.
Labour 252, Conservatives 294, Lib Dems 52. A Blue minority government? I think all the Leaders are at home brushing up on the Rule Book trying to work out who can muscle out who.
12:40pm:
Sky news - students are talking about their outrage at not being allowed to vote after 10pm. Chess club guy just revealed he would have voted Lib Dem if he'd been able to.
This is me (if only I had a branch that comfortable):
In other news my mum (the psychologist) says a truly hung parliament would be marv - the cream of the brains of each party making joint decisions like in Germany.
We're in Britain though - I just don't think we're that bright.
12:30pm:
Conservatives take Warwick and Leamington from Labour. Massive 84% turnout. 93rd gain of the election for the blues.
This from the Beeb:
The swing to the Conservatives is not as great as Margaret Thatcher achieved in 1979, according to the results in so far, YouGov pollster Peter Kellner says. David Cameron has won a 5.2% swing, while Mrs Thatcher's was 5.3%, he adds.
12:25pm:
Ah yes, the news we've all been waiting for. The BBc got the scoop in the end...
Cheeky Girls singer Gabriela Irimia expresses her sadness for former fiance Lembit Opik, who has lost his Montgomeryshire seat to the Conservatives. She says of the Lib Dem: "The voters have lost a dedicated man who cared for his constituency and the people in it. It was his life."I wonder if she was on BBC's now infamous The Boat (see earlier blogs)
12:15pm:
Dave of the Cam's telling people he's been awake 48 hours. I challenge this. I challenge him to a 'keep-awake' contest. I'm just waffling on a blog - he's making actual decisions/trying to convince decision-man Nick.
Who wins?
12:05pm:
Just want to remind everyone of the exit poll published 6th May 10pm.
It looked like this:
Conservatives 307
Labour 255
Lib Dems 59
And we're currently at Conservative 292, Labour 251 and Lib Dems 52.
So really I could have gone to bed at about 10.02pm last night then? As it is I'm on 28 hours and counting...
11.55am:
Professional Toff Boris Johnson thinks the Tory increase is "bleddy tewwific" - no, sorry, a "marvelous achievement". Still 29 constituencies to call. Including St Ives and the Isles of Scilly which we're following here.
Rumour has it that our deciding-man Nick hasn't given Dave of the Cam a call yet.
Playing hard to get - I like it.
This is how I feel right now:
11:50am:
Farage still 'comfortable' in hospital. Galloway for Respect loses his seat. Dave of the Cam will talk to press at 2.30pm. I'm starting to think it's unlikely I will ever sleep again.
11:40am:
Well, either Nick's in a great position this morning, or in a very very awful and difficult position.
Former Liberal leader Lord Steel says he's in a "hellish position".
Downing St says they won't talk to Clegg until all the votes are in. So the end of May then? No, that can't be right because Queeny opens parliament on 25th May. This is all very confusing.
11:20am:
Ok - share of vote so far:
Labour 29% Conservative 36%, Lib Dem 23% - which is clearly not reflected in seats Labour 251, Conservative 291, Lib Deb 52.
Turnout so far has been 65%
11:15am
Beeb says:
George Parker, political editor of the Financial Times, tells BBC World Service: "I think the Tories will talk to Nick Clegg. I don't think they'll be prepared to offer a deal on electoral reform because, for the Conservative Party, they see that as a way of excluding themselves from power for a generation."
11:10am:
From the Graun
The Guardian's editorial conference has just ended. All our big commentators were there, and as you can imagine, a wide range of views was aired. Martin Kettle said it was all over for Labour, and David Cameron should be allowed to "get on with it".11:05am:Polly Toynbee disagreed and said the electorate had not handed a clear mandate to the Tories. She said it was possible that if Gordon Brown resigned as Labour leader, a reformist candidate such as Alan Johnson could take over, promise a time-limited government to deliver electoral reform, and go to the polls again in nine months or a year.
Simon Jenkins said the Guardian had "got what it wanted" and could not complain about "confusion": this is what hung parliaments look like, he said.
Our economics editor Larry Elliott, who has been highly critical of the Liberal Democrats, joked the Guardian should continue to back the party as it would "probably finish them off". He said Nick Clegg had been "exposed" in the final leaders' debate.
Paddy Ashdown speaking - Clegg is honouring the wishes of the British public by talking to Dave of the Cam first. Ashdown says Clegg promised he would give whomever had a majority the right the seek government. He is "a man of honour".
Ashdown insists Clegg will ask "can Mr Cameron govern in the national interest?"
Paddy Ashdown wouldn't be pressed - didn't seem comfortable 'answering questions on behalf of 'them''.
10:45am:
Clegg will "be guided by his principals" and "argue for greater fairness in British society.. as well as political reforms to fix the broken political system".
He is talking about both the fact many were left unable to vote in problems with the polling stations, and that overall share of vote is not reflected by a proportionate number of seats in Westminster, and finally we know will be looking for reform in the House of Lords - which we know will make Dave of the Cam uncomfortable.
He returns with fewer seats than he started with, but basically chooses who will become PM. He's talking to the Conservatives first because they have the majority. It's up to them to prove themselves to him.
10:00am:
We've got a hung parliament - it's official.
The Dawn Blog 6am- 8am
7:50am:
OK. It looks hung.
UPDATE: Tory 285, Labour 235, Lib Dem 50, with 50 to be called.
We're not going to know later today what this hung parliament means for us.
Seems a good time to log off from this blog for the meantime. Check your local thisis.co.uk site for local results and reaction. I'll see the South West readers over on thisiscornwall for the morning news.
It's been emotional. I wish is was a bit clearer. Brown did better than expected, Clegg worse, and Dave of the Cam might still yet mount the throne. Watch this space.
xjo
7:30am:
Ok, that's it for Cornwall until the last count of St Ives and Scilly Isles at midday. Truro and Falmouth just declared conservative. They now have 3 of the 6 Cornish constituencies.
Paxo needs to cheer up pronto - we're all tired - it's no excuse.
7:20am:
This from the Beeb:
7:10am:
BBC now predicts:
Conservatives: 306
Labour: 262
Liberal Democrats: 55
Others: 27
with only 67 results yet to come in.
We're currently at Tory: 282, Labour: 227, Lib Dem: 49
BBC "the light of morning has made very little clear"
7am:
BBC says:
6:55am:
Sorry to focus on Cornwall for a moment but it's on a knife-edge. Camborne Redruth and Hayle are now going through bundle checks after officials refused a re-count of the rumoured count: George Eustice, Conservative, 15969 and Julia Goldsworthy (current), Lib Dem, 15903. Very, very exciting down here.
CONFIRMED: Oh my Goodness - Charles got it - by a majority of just 66 votes. Unber-bloody-lieveable.
6:45am:
Ok, whisper is that Conservative has taken Camborne, Redruth and Hayle from Lib Dem Julia Goldsworthy (remember the £1,000 pink rocking chair?). Unconfirmed.
6:40am:
Clegg's speech. He repeats the "bitter dismay of many of my constituents who weren't able to exercise their democratic right to be able to vote... that should never ever be able to happen again". He thanks his constituency and apologises for not being around locally as much as he'd like, same as Dave of the Cam.
Nationally "this has been a disappointing night for the Liberal Democrats", but adds that he is proud of their campaign. "No one appears to have won emphatically". No one should make "claims or decision that don't stand the test of time".
He will be guided by fairness, responsibility and "real change to the way we do politics".
Exit poll which no one believed was right. Lib Dems have done terribly, if not worse than expected. Clegg, however, might decide who becomes our next PM.
6:35am:
Sheffield (at laaaast):
Green: 919
Tory: 12,040
Lib Dem: 27,324 - elected Nick Clegg
Inde: 429
Christian: 250
UKIP: 1,195
Labour: 8,228
Engl Democrats: 586
6:30am:
North Cornwall just retained Lib Dem. 2 of 6 now Lib Dem
6:25am:
Here's what the UK looks like this morning:
6:20am:
Caroline Lucas, the first elected Green MP for Brighton Pavilion says: "it is the start of a new political force in Westminster". They will "judge who we support on a case-by-case basis". Clever. Pick the winner...
AND... woohoo! My constituency, St Austell and Newquay finally goes to Stephen Gilbert retaining the seat for Lib Dems.
6:15am:
Only 3 of the 6 Sheffield seats have been called - and not Nick Clegg's. He's sitting in a room somewhere - doing what? Playing cards? Drinking heavily? Who knows.
BBC says
BNP: 4952
Lib Dems 3,806
Labour: 17,813 - elected and held
Tory: 15,183
Inde 308
UKIP: 1,569
Green: 296
Christian 305
6:10am
UPDATE:
Tory 267
Labour 209
6am:
Rumour has it that both North Cornwall and St Austell and Newquay are going to stay yellow. More as soon as it happens.
Barking and Dagenham just coming though - Labour retains, nay increases her majority. Stick that in your pipe, BNP...
Newquay at dawn on 7th May 2010
OK. It looks hung.
UPDATE: Tory 285, Labour 235, Lib Dem 50, with 50 to be called.
We're not going to know later today what this hung parliament means for us.
Seems a good time to log off from this blog for the meantime. Check your local thisis.co.uk site for local results and reaction. I'll see the South West readers over on thisiscornwall for the morning news.
It's been emotional. I wish is was a bit clearer. Brown did better than expected, Clegg worse, and Dave of the Cam might still yet mount the throne. Watch this space.
xjo
7:30am:
Ok, that's it for Cornwall until the last count of St Ives and Scilly Isles at midday. Truro and Falmouth just declared conservative. They now have 3 of the 6 Cornish constituencies.
Paxo needs to cheer up pronto - we're all tired - it's no excuse.
7:20am:
This from the Beeb:
Gordon Brown will only resign if he cannot get a majority in the House of Commons. Only in the event that he fails to reach a deal with the other parties can David Cameron have a go at forming a government. But my instinct is that Mr Cameron will be the next PM, BBC political editor Nick Robinson says.BREAKING: Sky are claiming that Labour are discussing admitting defeat.
7:10am:
BBC now predicts:
Conservatives: 306
Labour: 262
Liberal Democrats: 55
Others: 27
with only 67 results yet to come in.
We're currently at Tory: 282, Labour: 227, Lib Dem: 49
BBC "the light of morning has made very little clear"
7am:
BBC says:
Constitutional expert Philip Cowley says "even if Brown can persuade the Lib Dems to work with him, that won't be enough" to form govt
6:55am:
Sorry to focus on Cornwall for a moment but it's on a knife-edge. Camborne Redruth and Hayle are now going through bundle checks after officials refused a re-count of the rumoured count: George Eustice, Conservative, 15969 and Julia Goldsworthy (current), Lib Dem, 15903. Very, very exciting down here.
CONFIRMED: Oh my Goodness - Charles got it - by a majority of just 66 votes. Unber-bloody-lieveable.
6:45am:
Ok, whisper is that Conservative has taken Camborne, Redruth and Hayle from Lib Dem Julia Goldsworthy (remember the £1,000 pink rocking chair?). Unconfirmed.
6:40am:
Clegg's speech. He repeats the "bitter dismay of many of my constituents who weren't able to exercise their democratic right to be able to vote... that should never ever be able to happen again". He thanks his constituency and apologises for not being around locally as much as he'd like, same as Dave of the Cam.
Nationally "this has been a disappointing night for the Liberal Democrats", but adds that he is proud of their campaign. "No one appears to have won emphatically". No one should make "claims or decision that don't stand the test of time".
He will be guided by fairness, responsibility and "real change to the way we do politics".
Exit poll which no one believed was right. Lib Dems have done terribly, if not worse than expected. Clegg, however, might decide who becomes our next PM.
6:35am:
Sheffield (at laaaast):
Green: 919
Tory: 12,040
Lib Dem: 27,324 - elected Nick Clegg
Inde: 429
Christian: 250
UKIP: 1,195
Labour: 8,228
Engl Democrats: 586
6:30am:
North Cornwall just retained Lib Dem. 2 of 6 now Lib Dem
6:25am:
Here's what the UK looks like this morning:
6:20am:
Caroline Lucas, the first elected Green MP for Brighton Pavilion says: "it is the start of a new political force in Westminster". They will "judge who we support on a case-by-case basis". Clever. Pick the winner...
AND... woohoo! My constituency, St Austell and Newquay finally goes to Stephen Gilbert retaining the seat for Lib Dems.
6:15am:
Only 3 of the 6 Sheffield seats have been called - and not Nick Clegg's. He's sitting in a room somewhere - doing what? Playing cards? Drinking heavily? Who knows.
BBC says
John Simpson outside Downing Street says the PM wants a "strong, stable and principled" governmentDagenham and Rainham count:
BNP: 4952
Lib Dems 3,806
Labour: 17,813 - elected and held
Tory: 15,183
Inde 308
UKIP: 1,569
Green: 296
Christian 305
6:10am
UPDATE:
Tory 267
Labour 209
6am:
Rumour has it that both North Cornwall and St Austell and Newquay are going to stay yellow. More as soon as it happens.
Barking and Dagenham just coming though - Labour retains, nay increases her majority. Stick that in your pipe, BNP...
Newquay at dawn on 7th May 2010The morning wake-up 4am-6am
5:55am:
OK, one last update before the Dawn Blog:
Tory 263, Labour 201, Lib Dems 40.
And incredibly, I'm still awake...
5:50am:
Brighton Pavillion
Green 16,238 - elected! First seat at Westminster won by the Greens.
Lib Dems: 7,159
Labour: 14,986
Tory: 12,275
5:45am:
Tories: "Gordon Brown has had a thumbs down. He does not have a madate.... The country has voted for change."
Twickenham - Lib Dem's Cable remains MP.
London votes are late apparently because of local election at the same time. My pad of 'interesting stuff' tells me there are 164 local elections going on today. Mind you, Cornwall has no local elections and has only called one of six constituencies. Bah-humbug.
5:40am:
Rumours that my constituency, St Austell and Newquay has remained Lib Dem. Have promised a cartwheel if that's the case..
Dorset South just been taken by Conservative from Labour.
5:35am:
Lots of blue for Devon:
Devon Central and Devon South West both hold Tory
Plymouth Sutton and Devenport saw Tory gain from Labour with 6.9% swing, but Plymouth Moor View manage to hang onto Labour, despite a 7.8% swing Labour to Conservative. All to play for in the South West still. And indeed in London.
Reading West:
Lib Dem: 9,546
UKIP: 1,508
Labour 14,519
Tory: 20,523 - elected and taken from Labour
Green: 582
5:30am:
Labour holds Hammersmith. Doing better in London than perhaps expected.
Kensington and Cities of London and Westminster both hold Conservative.
UPDATE: Tory 241, Labour 189, Lib Dems 39
5:20am:
Bloomin eck. Dawn here in Cornwall. Even the seagulls can't believe it's morning.
5:15am:
OK London starting to liven up now.
Islington North, Islington South and Finsbury and Westminster North all hold Labour.
Sutton and Cheam and Carshalton & Wallington both hold Lib Dem.
Romford hold blue, as do Enfield North and Enfield Southgate
Swing Labour to Tory 5.3% so far overall. Would need 6.9% for a majority
5:05am:
Salford and Eccles
Labour: 16,655 - elected and held
Eng Democrats 621
UKIP: 1,084
Lib Dems 10,930
Tory: 8,497
BNP: 2,632 (what?)
UPDATE: Tory 230, Labour 176, Lib Dems 36
5am:
South East Cornwall is called - Tory
Lord Ashcroft: will you start paying taxes? "Ummm, errrrr"
Why did you give all your money to the Tories? "For the challenge" (not the peerage..)
4:50am
Although two thirds of votes are in, Labour marginals in London haven't been called yet.
Morley and Outwood : Ed Balls holds seat for Labour.
Norwhich South: Lib Debs take from Charles Clarke Labour.
UPDATE: Tory 217, Labour 160, Lib Dems 33
4:45am:
Gord arrives in London.
He seemed "upbeat and relaxed" on the plane. Concentrated on the idea that "it's his duty as PM to establish a stable and strong government."
They're all seeing what happens. He says he's done better than people were expecting a year ago, ad the Tories less well.
He still has hope he'll remain PM. Described as "wanting to put a brave face on and not be seen as losers".
Tory gain in Pudsey significant with 7.6% swing red to blue. Labour shares have started to drop.
4.35am:
Jack Straw talks: "GB is the PM" (what is it with the Labourites?) yes, yes, come along...
Paxo asks about rumours of a challenge to GB. Straw denies it.
Reddich:
Christian: 101
UKIP: 1,497
BNP: 1394
Lib Dems 7,750
Tory: 19,138 - elected and won hugely over Labour - swing of 9.2%
Labour: 13,317
UPDATE: Tory 194, Labour 149, Lib Dems 29
4:30am
Dimbleby says that the Conservatives have beaten Labour, but it's still unclear as to whether they'll get a majority or whether they can/will work with another party to form a parliament.
Usually we're given an exit poll and then later a prediction poll. However, it's so complicated all they can tell us it 'it's probably going to be hung'. Fat lotta use.
4:25am:
Oxford West & Abingdon: Lib Dem lose to Conservative with a 6.9% swing but only 0.3% win.
Luton South
BNP: 1,299
Tory: 12,396
Lib Dem: 9,567
Labour: 14,725 - elected and held (beating Ester)
Green 366
UKIP 975
4:20am:
Swindon South
Tory: 19,687 - elected and gained (and significantly booed)
Inde: 160
Lib Dems 8,305
Christian 176
Green 619
Labour 16,143
UKIP 2,029
A lot of gains now for the blues. Tories have 175, Labour 136 and Libs Dems 27
Redcar Lib Dem gain from Labour with a massive 21.8% swing! And yet Labour held Rochdale. It's all bonkers - that's the general consensus.
4:10am:
Whispers of not one but two recounts in Cornwall, St Austell and Newqay, and Camborne, Redruth and Hayle. Crumbs.
A lot of sarcastic love for BBC's The Boat on twitter. The Boat is chilling on the Thames and appears to be full of 'celebs' of some manner of speaking getting more and more sozzled and less and less coherent. Here's Ian Hislop. He looks sweatier than a teenager coming out of an Old Street club.
4:05am:
Wyre Forest
Conservative 18,793 - elected and gained from inde
BNP: 1,120
Labour: 7,298
Inde: 16,150
UKIP: 1,498
1.4% swing to the Conservatives from the Lib Dems overall so far.
See Big Ben being coloured in (before dawn...) by clicking here.
330 declared, 319 to go (tonight).
More talk of 'pictures of cars' by Dimbleby who sounds weary.
4am:
4a-bloody-m. Can't believe so many of us on the blogs and Twitter are still going strong. Much debate on Twitter about my declarations of love for both Fiona Bruce and secret crush on David Miliband.
Barking turnout apparently high - expecting to call at 5am and BNP probably getting 3rd place.
BNP votes have been far higher than expected, I think it's fair to say.
Nearly half way now.
The far South West still looking very bare, count-wise. Should be hearing from them soon though.
Southampton votes been counted twice (not officially). Would take a swing of over 10% fro Blues to take from Reds, but it's looking 'extraordinarily close'. Southampton seats to be the safest for Labour in the South East.
OK, one last update before the Dawn Blog:
Tory 263, Labour 201, Lib Dems 40.
And incredibly, I'm still awake...
5:50am:
Brighton Pavillion
Green 16,238 - elected! First seat at Westminster won by the Greens.
Lib Dems: 7,159
Labour: 14,986
Tory: 12,275
5:45am:
Tories: "Gordon Brown has had a thumbs down. He does not have a madate.... The country has voted for change."
Twickenham - Lib Dem's Cable remains MP.
London votes are late apparently because of local election at the same time. My pad of 'interesting stuff' tells me there are 164 local elections going on today. Mind you, Cornwall has no local elections and has only called one of six constituencies. Bah-humbug.
5:40am:
Rumours that my constituency, St Austell and Newquay has remained Lib Dem. Have promised a cartwheel if that's the case..
Dorset South just been taken by Conservative from Labour.
5:35am:
Lots of blue for Devon:
Devon Central and Devon South West both hold Tory
Plymouth Sutton and Devenport saw Tory gain from Labour with 6.9% swing, but Plymouth Moor View manage to hang onto Labour, despite a 7.8% swing Labour to Conservative. All to play for in the South West still. And indeed in London.
Reading West:
Lib Dem: 9,546
UKIP: 1,508
Labour 14,519
Tory: 20,523 - elected and taken from Labour
Green: 582
5:30am:
Labour holds Hammersmith. Doing better in London than perhaps expected.
Kensington and Cities of London and Westminster both hold Conservative.
UPDATE: Tory 241, Labour 189, Lib Dems 39
5:20am:
Bloomin eck. Dawn here in Cornwall. Even the seagulls can't believe it's morning.
5:15am:
OK London starting to liven up now.
Islington North, Islington South and Finsbury and Westminster North all hold Labour.
Sutton and Cheam and Carshalton & Wallington both hold Lib Dem.
Romford hold blue, as do Enfield North and Enfield Southgate
Swing Labour to Tory 5.3% so far overall. Would need 6.9% for a majority
5:05am:
Salford and Eccles
Labour: 16,655 - elected and held
Eng Democrats 621
UKIP: 1,084
Lib Dems 10,930
Tory: 8,497
BNP: 2,632 (what?)
UPDATE: Tory 230, Labour 176, Lib Dems 36
5am:
South East Cornwall is called - Tory
Lord Ashcroft: will you start paying taxes? "Ummm, errrrr"
Why did you give all your money to the Tories? "For the challenge" (not the peerage..)
4:50am
Although two thirds of votes are in, Labour marginals in London haven't been called yet.
Morley and Outwood : Ed Balls holds seat for Labour.
Norwhich South: Lib Debs take from Charles Clarke Labour.
UPDATE: Tory 217, Labour 160, Lib Dems 33
4:45am:
Gord arrives in London.
He seemed "upbeat and relaxed" on the plane. Concentrated on the idea that "it's his duty as PM to establish a stable and strong government."
They're all seeing what happens. He says he's done better than people were expecting a year ago, ad the Tories less well.
He still has hope he'll remain PM. Described as "wanting to put a brave face on and not be seen as losers".
Tory gain in Pudsey significant with 7.6% swing red to blue. Labour shares have started to drop.
4.35am:
Jack Straw talks: "GB is the PM" (what is it with the Labourites?) yes, yes, come along...
Paxo asks about rumours of a challenge to GB. Straw denies it.
Reddich:
Christian: 101
UKIP: 1,497
BNP: 1394
Lib Dems 7,750
Tory: 19,138 - elected and won hugely over Labour - swing of 9.2%
Labour: 13,317
UPDATE: Tory 194, Labour 149, Lib Dems 29
4:30am
Dimbleby says that the Conservatives have beaten Labour, but it's still unclear as to whether they'll get a majority or whether they can/will work with another party to form a parliament.
Usually we're given an exit poll and then later a prediction poll. However, it's so complicated all they can tell us it 'it's probably going to be hung'. Fat lotta use.
4:25am:
Oxford West & Abingdon: Lib Dem lose to Conservative with a 6.9% swing but only 0.3% win.
Luton South
BNP: 1,299
Tory: 12,396
Lib Dem: 9,567
Labour: 14,725 - elected and held (beating Ester)
Green 366
UKIP 975
4:20am:
Swindon South
Tory: 19,687 - elected and gained (and significantly booed)
Inde: 160
Lib Dems 8,305
Christian 176
Green 619
Labour 16,143
UKIP 2,029
A lot of gains now for the blues. Tories have 175, Labour 136 and Libs Dems 27
Redcar Lib Dem gain from Labour with a massive 21.8% swing! And yet Labour held Rochdale. It's all bonkers - that's the general consensus.
4:10am:
Whispers of not one but two recounts in Cornwall, St Austell and Newqay, and Camborne, Redruth and Hayle. Crumbs.
A lot of sarcastic love for BBC's The Boat on twitter. The Boat is chilling on the Thames and appears to be full of 'celebs' of some manner of speaking getting more and more sozzled and less and less coherent. Here's Ian Hislop. He looks sweatier than a teenager coming out of an Old Street club.
4:05am:
Wyre Forest
Conservative 18,793 - elected and gained from inde
BNP: 1,120
Labour: 7,298
Inde: 16,150
UKIP: 1,498
1.4% swing to the Conservatives from the Lib Dems overall so far.
See Big Ben being coloured in (before dawn...) by clicking here.
330 declared, 319 to go (tonight).
More talk of 'pictures of cars' by Dimbleby who sounds weary.
4am:
4a-bloody-m. Can't believe so many of us on the blogs and Twitter are still going strong. Much debate on Twitter about my declarations of love for both Fiona Bruce and secret crush on David Miliband.
Barking turnout apparently high - expecting to call at 5am and BNP probably getting 3rd place.
BNP votes have been far higher than expected, I think it's fair to say.
Nearly half way now.
The far South West still looking very bare, count-wise. Should be hearing from them soon though.
Southampton votes been counted twice (not officially). Would take a swing of over 10% fro Blues to take from Reds, but it's looking 'extraordinarily close'. Southampton seats to be the safest for Labour in the South East.
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