Rock, paper, scissors

Here we are, it's E-week.

With bank holiday Monday throwing a bit of a spanner in the works, I woke up this morning only to realise the election is the day after tomorrow. That's right people, its make your mind up time.

If you happened to be playing a game whereby you had to drink every time you heard someone sigh that they’re 'sick of the election' you'd be merrier than a sailor by now.

But fear not - on Friday we can stop worrying about who's going to win and start worrying about what's going to happen to us knowing who's won.

And something rather extraordinary is happening. People I never dreamed would go Lib Dem are starting to make Clegg-type mumbling noises. Even my brother's thinking about ticking yellow, following it up with "a strong letter to Clegg telling him not to scrap the trident - the crazy b*****d".

As someone rather cleverly observed during the first Leaders' Debate, Clegg appears to be winning simply by being neither Brown nor Cameron.

The papers are full of tales of woe about hung parliaments, the internet is busy claiming victory for itself, and Dave of the Cam even paid a personal visit to my home town of Newquay on the weekend - unfortunately most of us not running around in suits with clip-boards were at the beach. It's the thought that counts though, Dave. Well done.

In a nutshell the options are:

Brown - he'll fix the economy, keep child tax credits as they are, propose an elected House of Lords but call you a bigot when your back's turned.

Cameron - he'll reduce inheritance tax and stop the NI rise, but you won't be sure which public service is going to hit the floor of the toilet until it happens.

Clegg - he's honest and fair and he's going to ask our opinion on stuff before he does it but he doesn't actually have the first clue about how to run a country because they've never done it before.

Rock, paper, scissors...